Wednesday, January 31, 2007


Tonight on the train, there was a man with a bike. Not uncommon in the summer. But now?

A sane, normal person might think upon seeing bike rider man: Oh, he wanted to ride to work or take a little joy ride. But he got a little cold. So he got on the train.

A weird person might think: I wonder....I wonder if everyday he gets on his bike ("Bye honey, I'm riding to work now") and then rides to his closest L stop, hops on the train, L's to a stop close to his work and then hops on his bike to get to work. In other words, crazy me was wondering if he's lying to people in his life by claiming to be a serious, hardcore bike rider and then constantly hopping on the L. All his coworkers, his sig fig...they all think he's something he's not. Yeah, I automatically assumed he was a pathological liar.

I do obsess about honesty. On the flip side, I also obsess about what strangers could be lying about. Ok. I wonder what family and friends could be lying about. Fine, fine, I also wonder what I could be lying about (does that make any sense?). Sometimes I think about how easily I could be lying about my whole life. I could say I was in grad school and no one would be the wiser if I wasn't. I could say I had a job...but no one would truly know if I didn't. I have no one to be accountable to. I guess that's a totally adult thing...but I also think it must come along with being single.

Don't worry family and friends - I am really in school (today the proof came in the mail in the form of my tax form for having spent money on tuition. It's a shockingly large number - I spent $20,000 on grad school tuition alone last year). I did really just take a new job - maybe this time I'll have a phone number to make me accountable.

So yeah - if any of you ever see me looking at you funny - it's quite possible I'm imagining how what you're saying could fit into a bigger pathological lie.

The week of cheat...

Dear readers,

That's cheating isn't it? To write my weekly letter to you? Oh well, so I'll cheat a little.

Today it is 12 degrees outside. And feels like 0. Not making that up. I'm trying to figure out what to wear when I leave the house so that all my dry skin doesn't chafe and then fall off. But at least I'm not in the 'burbs where it's 11 and feels like -2. Suckers!

Since Sunday I've decided that I should do more of what I want to do and not what I think I should do. I'm not sure I have ever been the kind of person who does what others think I should do (I'm just no follower...or conformist, whatever you wish to call it). But, I do put restrictions on myself. Constantly. Keeping up my Christmas tree has been a giant leap for me. Some restrictions have to hold (for example: I want a kitten. But I have two delightful cats. No kittens allowed. I want to buy some beautiful sock yarn...but $25 for a pair of socks? Um, yeah...maybe when I have a full time, salaried job...).

So we'll see how it goes...

And this will probably be the most boring weekly letter ever...


Sunday, January 28, 2007

Sunday thought...

I've been thinking a lot lately about deadlines. Deadlines we set for ourselves. I mean, we all do it...some of us (me) do it every day. I'll finish this before I can start something new. By this time I'll have done this. Today I will do this. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. I think deadlines that revolve around my own productivity are just a way to push myself to get more done.

But recently I have had a really hard time with people that set other kinds of deadlines. And I have been guilty of this (I still am: I'll finish school by March 2008). Deadlines that rely heavily on other people or outside influence (in my example: the course schedule can pretty much make or break that date). Mainly though, the deadline that some single women set: I want to be married before I'm 30. I want to start having kids before I'm 35. It all seems so impossible - how can you possibly set that kind of timeline? Finding a reliable and good partner might not be in the cards for the next 5 or 10 years. What then? And let's say you do have someone...your womb? It may have other plans...It just seems that putting all your hopes into things you cannot seems so silly.

Just like it seems silly when others (family, friends, strangers) wonder about your marital prospects and baby-making future. Who cares if I ever find someone? I guess that's a pretty liberal state of mind, heh? Radical even...

And totally a recurring theme...sorry kids. I just saw an Oprah (yes, yes, I watch Oprah) show about thirty-something women. And the first story was about women who were still single. Which I can totally imagine for myself with absolutely no disappointment. But they were taking sort of different stands on it (one of them gung-ho I will marry, one of them going to try for a baby alone, and one of them just happy to be as she is...).

I don't got me thinking about deadlines. And how I'm really going to try not to set them anymore. If I don't graduate in what? The world will not end. If I'm 30 and still single? Who cares...

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Red Hot...

if an award were to be given in your name what qualities would you like to be honored?

The first quality that automatically popped into my mind was honesty. But how do you give an award for honesty? Here's an award, you didn't lie or steal this year? I mean...yeah, that doesn't exactly work.

So my next choice is for it to be some sort of humanitarian award. To award compassion and generosity. To ordinary people (ie: people with loads of money don't count. I mean, it's great when people with a lot of money share that money with charities, don't get me wrong. But I somehow think it's easier for them to just throw money at things rather than take some of their own time to do something).

Sort of an interesting, yet somehow boring question.

Friday, January 26, 2007


I have a few finally's for you all...

First, I finally loaded all of my music onto my Christmas present beautiful video IPod. And it is 1000 times better and more awesome than my old hand-me-down chunker IPod. I love the pretty screen. I love the long battery (two hours of use and no noticeable battery change - still full? Amazing). I love it.

Secondly, I finally read a book off of Time 100 that I am truly glad I read. I have liked some of the books and I really liked the graphic novel. But this book...this book I loved. It was Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro. I don't know what it was - my guess is that it was the combination of a very current moral question and solid storytelling. Either way, here's the breakdown:
49 out of 122 read. Enjoyed approximately 15. Hated (just downright hated) about 2.5. That means I was neutral about 31.5 of the books. I guess the hated section could be worse...but the enjoyed section could be better...

And lastly, I finally finished my first sock:

Fat little foot. It only looks so fat because it's so small. Small and wide. But how nice is it that if I make socks for myself I don't have to knit as much (small feet) and can make them perfectly sized for my tiny freak feet?

You're all getting socks from now on. And, I really enjoy the self-striping yarn.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Some notes from the day...

  • I think I have to go ahead and delete some of the links to blogs of friends...basically dead blogs. It's just starting to get to the point where it seems silly to even have a link to a site that is 6 months dead...
  • Quitting the job was almost a pleasure compared to my last time around. It highlighted the problems in that first "real" job. The fact that all of my bosses today (I have between 3 and 4. Yes, I had to notice them all) were happy for me...well that just goes to show how a real manager and office should work. The last time I did this there was talk of punishment, talk of giving me the worst tasks for my last two weeks, talk of taking away privileges in case I sabotaged. Something that none of my bosses today considered for a second. Not for a second. And I'm actually sad to go. While my job is boring, my big supervisor (the highest up) is someone I highly respect. I just can't believe how small, how petty the managers at the "real" job were and the contrast with my current managers.
  • The whole quitting thing is still bittersweet. Tomorrow I have to call the fashion lady and turn down her offer. Which I dread. Because I like her as a person and it's almost like turning down a request for help from a friend. But its not. And I'll get over it. And today I was told by my "big supervisor" that he had planned to create a full time position for me down the line. He's still going to eventually create the position and even mentioned offering it to me in the future. I guess this is what networking is, heh?
  • I finished On the Road by Jack Kerouac. There were some great passages/sentences that I did stop and think...oh, that was nice. But all in all, I hated Dean. And the book itself...I'm neutral.

Monday, January 22, 2007


Ok, so today hasn't really been a bad day. Sure I didn't sleep well (at all!) last night. And someone somewhere was blasting music this morning (in my half sleep state I keep thinking it was Simon & Garfunkel. I know it was music that my Dad and sister listen to. I remember thinking...who, WHO blasts this kind of music. And before 8am?). And I had my quarterly gyn appointment (all keep your fingers crossed - if this smear is normal, I'm considered normal and then I don't have to go back for a whole 6 months! 6 months!!!) which is never, never fun.

But finally, because I did get offered the second job. Which makes my next few days excruciating. Basically I have to take that second job. It's a 50% increase in pay (hooray!) while giving me amazing programming/web development experience. It's just...I liked the owner of the first company so much. And just wanted to help her so much. I'm going to see if we can still work something out...which it seems we probably won't be able to. And that makes me feel sad and sucky. Because as an adult I really should take the job that pays me along with adding to my resume.


Saturday, January 20, 2007


Dear world,

I will not conform to your stupid rules. I, and the other occupants of this home, love my Christmas decorations. The tree? Just a big piece of interior decorating.

I'm leaving it up...probably well into February.

I'm serious. I won't take it down yet. You can't make me.

I bite my thumb at you, stupid decoration rules,


Friday, January 19, 2007

la cuarta caja candente de preguntas....

what was the most fun you ever had at a party?

This one is tough. Besides the fact that I'm not much of a partier...I still have a few parties that are vying for number one. I don't have specific reasons for why they were so fun...and I remember hardly ANY details.

  1. Labor Day - Champaign, IL - Senior Year College. All of the high school girls managed to converge on rickety 402 on one weekend. I just remember laughing and dancing, and generally having a very merry time.
  2. Random time - Geneva, IL- Junior Year High School. At a sort-of friends house (she was a spoke in our little wheel of friends, but one that I was far away from). I don't know how to explain why this was so fun - I just remember loving it. Her parents were away. It was an all night party. I remember laughing, being drunken on all levels of that house (finished basement, living level, sleeping level).
  3. 21st B-Day - Naperville, IL - Junior Year College. I remember having pockets of fun at a friends 21st birthday party - I will NEVER forget that party or that apartment...or that screen door.....
I'm sure I'm forgetting loads and loads. Looking back on's like trying to classify which occasion of hilarity was more hilarious than another. It's truly impossible.

And once again, not the best question.

Early warning - I turned my first heel today (ie: knitting a heel on a sock). I almost took a picture of my newly heeled sock...but it's still got a bit to go before it's done, and since a lot of you aren't knitters you'll look at it and think, meh, who cares. But you all better be excited for next Friday (or close to then) when I debut my newly finished sock.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Adult decisions...

You have to pronounce it with the a as in apple. A-dult.

I think I mentioned an interview I had last week. Which went splendidly. One of my winningest qualities is my ability to kill an interview. I hope it doesn't sound braggerty, I just acknowledge that it's something I can just do (which is surprising considering I don't love meeting new people - it makes me nervous). Anyway, I hadn't heard from the "company" (it's really just a lady who is starting her own bridesmaid line - she already owns a design company for other fashiony stuff) so I thought it was a no-go. But she called today (or more accurately, spoke with my voicemail today). And basically offered me the position. It will be AWESOME experience although heavy in project management and low in programming. But it's unpaid. And in a weird location that will be impossible to get to without driving. And totally interesting (fashiony website? fun stuff).

Now consider that I had another interview today. I don't think I "killed" and they did have a ton of applicants. So I have no idea what my chances are. It is paid. It is basically "web development" work, which involves every aspect of every thing I want to do with my life. But much less interesting considering it's a position at this school.

I think I'll wait to hear from the second position before I respond to the "company" about the first position. Part of me hopes the interview today falls through - that I didn't land the job. That makes my decision easier. Because if I did get offered the paid internship? I have absolutely NO clue which way I lean. I may have to actually sit down and write out pro-con lists.


If you kept reading and didn't get bored, good for you! I just wanted to warn my regular readers that any day now I'm going to start blogging more about knitting. It's definitely something I will do regularly (a lot! I really, really like it). And I'm totally a geek and proud of the things I make. So I'm going to share with you. I'll make one promise - if I blog about knitting content, I will always label/title the post with the words knit or purl or something obvious so you know. And that way, dear readers, if you decide to embrace a wonderful tool, like bloglines, to tell you if blogs are updated, you can skip the knitting ones if you hate them...

Wednesday, January 17, 2007


This is probably going to contain mostly bitching (I'm cold. Grumpy. Leery).
In no particular order:
  • Once again I am having power issues. Remember the summer of '05? Where I lost my power for long stretches of time probably on average once a week? Well, I'm scared. Scared it's about to happen again. Right now, there is a very large red metal box outside in the alley that says "GENERATOR" on it in large letters. It is making a racket. And supplying the power for my building. Temporary power? Um, ComEd? That's dubious....
  • Mona...while I love you my little pet, you are starting to hog the bed in miraculous ways. Like my Mom said, "one little cat shouldn't hog the bed". Ok...this cat is now the cat who wants to be on me, squeezed up next to me while asleep. And while I like that she loves me, give me some space catty. I keep waking up entirely diagonal on the bed (this morning I was practically horizontal.) I don't realize I'm doing it, but the position of Mona is causing me to be unable to reposition while asleep...thus causing me to use bed space creatively. I woke up at one point last night and I was basically spooning her. Which is weird. She's making me a crazy cat lady.
  • My group for one of my classes (yes, this concerns you, Intersections) is already pissing me off. Just because I know our "client" doesn't mean I should have to do all the work. Bastards. I sent a semi-nasty email just now telling them that I wasn't going to do the bulk of the next assignment. Groups suck.
Ok, that's all! I just wanted it out there. I feel better. Sorry to burden you, readers...

Tuesday, January 16, 2007


Dear Chicago Post Office,

My mailman no longer comes everyday. I have had suspicions before. Today, the day after a holiday, I should have been overloaded with junk mail. I had a cavernous, empty mail box. There is no way that I didn't get any mail today. No way. I get at least a catalog everyday....

Chicago mail tardier? No shit.

And I can't exactly complain about my postal worker - if they knew it was me (and in a city like Chicago, where corruption is the norm, the chances of them finding out who complained seem awfully high) wouldn't my mail just get tardier? You know, the mailman withholding just like a disgruntled waitress spits in your food.

I like mail. Give me my mail.

Screw you,


Dear Obama,

You're my "American Idol style" Democratic presidential candidate. Kick Hilary's ass!

Love always,


Sunday, January 14, 2007


On this, my 500th post, I confess to having an unhealthy attraction to men with shaved heads.

At first, it doesn't seem unhealthy - I mean, don't all men want a woman who prefers them bald? No need to worry about balding, it'll just make me happy!

And then...and then I see a movie like Alpha Dog and find Justin "Frankie" Timberlake quite attractive. And everything clicks into place. The shaved head has never been a symbol of goodness. See one Edward Norton in American History X and think "skinhead" and you'll understand (but oh my is he SO hot in that movie). Besides skinhead it also seems to be the style of choice on "tough guy/bad boy" characters all over. I mean, one of the worst, assiest characters in Alpha Dog sported the do (besides Justin).


And hey, Alpha Dog wasn't all that bad. Justin was even convincingly the good bad guy. All in all, an interesting movie. Why is Emile Hirsch always an asshole in movies though? He's so cute...

Friday, January 12, 2007

Red Hot Box o' Questions...the third...

in order of importance, how would you rank love, spirituality, freedom and happiness?

I like this one more than the others so far. I do have to say, I think this would be far more interesting (in fact SUPER interesting) if I were a religious person. Thinking about some of the people I knew in high school I think that their ranking would be amazingly interesting.

In my case, it goes as follows (with some explanation attached):

Happiness first. For me I think happiness encapsulates love and freedom. I think there is no happiness without love and freedom. So, in this sense I feel like I am putting those things first as well.

Love second. I think that if I had the people I loved around me, freedom wouldn't seem so important (although to be honest, I might change my mind in that situation). But thinking about a free life, in any sense of the word, without the people I love...well, isn't much of a life at all.

Freedom third. I value my freedom highly...and for a few moments I did consider putting it second. But...freedom alone isn't enough to fulfill or make me happy.

And of course...spirituality last. Because this isn't really a part of my life.

An easier one to take part in, bloggers?

Thursday, January 11, 2007

My superhero outfit wouldn't have pants...

Tonight, at class, my pants were so uncomfortable around my belly that I thought I was going to die. So tight. Oh, and then the professor was boring as shit so three hours lasted about 6. I'm back to counting points, I've lost a good amount of weight in the first week and a half, and I wore these same pants all day Monday with no pain. They are jeans. They should have stretched between then and now, right? And I lost weight between then and now. So WTF pants! I hate you.

In other news, my inner child is a comic book nerd. I finished The Watchmen by Moore and Gibbons tonight. DC Comics book. Graphic novel. A surprising choice for Time 100. But I am very glad it was on the list. It was a really enjoyable read for me. I don't know if I'll make the leap into comics, but to find I can read a superhero graphic novel and enjoy it...well, I feel I may just have to see what else is out there. So bravo Time 100. You've finally brought me something that may make an impact on my future reading. Bravo.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Pickle breath...

Dear School of Suck,

You really are a sneaky one aren't you? Trying to make what are possibly my last few weeks working for you some of the most guilt-producing, stressful weeks ever? Are ya? Well, you're winning.

Moving all of my bosses to a different building while leaving me behind? Suddenly? So suddenly that I found out yesterday and the move happens on Thursday? Yeah, that was tricksy. Then making me attend a long meeting about how the future will work (how do I figure out my jobs if my bosses are across the street?) and what is in my future...when all I could think was: "I may not be here for long, I have an interview on Friday"? Horrible.

The worst part, School, is that I now have to grapple with how exactly to turn in two weeks notice to a boss I have no access to (literally. Card access in the other building only). If I turn in two weeks notice (I imagine I will be soon, even if this interview on Friday isn't the job) looks like I'm going to be the girl who has to email her two weeks notice. Ick.

So thank you school, for throwing this stress-inducing curve ball my way. I guess I'm learning to be flexible?


And on a happier note...

Dear pickles,

I love you.


P.S. - why don't you taste as good as the pickles that come with sandwiches in delis/diners? Where do I buy those?

Sunday, January 07, 2007

The beginning of the end?

I no longer have a down arrow on my computer. The button was sticking, so I tried to pull it off to see what was up (they usually pull off quite easily) and when I pulled it off, it broke.

I can still push the little down sensor...but I am one key down. The's looking a little ragged. It's in its 4th year now, and I know for a laptop that can be pretty ancient. But a big piece of me doesn't want to replace it. I know a new one would be faster. More fun. But I have a beautiful desktop upstairs. Do I really need to have a "couch" computer and a "work" computer? And does that couch computer really have to be first rate?

So for now, me and my down "sensor" are going to become great friends...

Friday, January 05, 2007

Red Hot Box O'Questions...try #2...

So, once again, the question is not all that interesting (a little more interesting than last time though). I've decided to keep up with this for a few months at least - give the box a chance to produce some interesting conversation. If it doesn't happen, the box will be relegated to only an "in person" game (a friend and I answered some interesting questions on NYEve).

do you believe hunting animals for sport is right or wrong?

I think it's absolutely wrong. I understand that marksmanship is a valid sport. But I think it's entirely unnecessary to kill animals because of it. If you want to see if you can hit things, shoot skeet. Or shoot paper in a shooting gallery. Or shoot animals, but with something entirely harmless (it probably exists somewhere). I do think there is some gray area - if you are a true "hunter" and hunt to eat/use the animal...I think that is slightly different. But only slightly. And I still don't like the idea of it all. But I do feel I should have a disclaimer that I am a sucker for all animals - have a serious soft spot there....

In other news, I am actually on the hunt for a new job. I already got a call back about something I applied to this week. And I have a few other applications out there. I think the interview I've been offered is for a job I'm not entirely qualified for. But they have seen my true it was their decision to call me back. We'll see what happens. Hopefully by the end of this quarter I'll have a job that actually involves web development...

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Thoughts from class day 1....

Group work always sucks but I'm hopeful about my newest group (yes, formed on day 1 of class). But there's a chilling question swimming around in the brain: how can you tell if someone is a drug addict? Sounds pretty intense, but I just got a sort of weird feeling about one of my group members. Let's call him Red-eye McGee. The most bloodshot eyes I've ever seen. And he was sort of anti-social before break...then right after he was Mr. Social. He is also cute. So, how do I decide if he's a pothead (or worse) who got cheerful after the break (from his recent drug use) or if he's just a Chlorine pool swimmer who needed a caffeine jolt? Or, more importantly, how do I decide if I should crush on him or not? Where is when you need it???

When your academic advisor (and also important figure in the power structure of the school, has been a VP of something or other and is the "founder" of my current program) is your professor, you can't really read through class. And so I am doomed to interminably dull Wednesday night classes. How else am I going to pass the time besides wondering about my group member's drug habits?

I almost wrote a little letter here to a girl I saw on the L. I've always said that "if you wear it, then you're pulling it off". However...this girl was wearing it and really not pulling it off. Because it couldn't be pulled off. Picture if you will....kelly green beret, bright red peacoat, leopard print (fuzzy) pumps...and here's where it gets really bad: leggings/tights with a white background and brightly colored, almost neon flowers (and possibly insects) paired with a two-tier know, like the ones we wore as children in the 80's. Top tier: white with big black polka dots. Bottom tier: black with big white polka dots. Conclusion: HIDEOUS.

And as for my shoes...I think right now I'm either going to go with "romp" or "frolic"...

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Two things...

First, I remembered something I heart about the New Year. I know I've been mostly negative, so here's a positive: I LOVE the fact that I can immediately tell how new a show is. I think I mentioned this last year - but either way, I gleefully noticed a (2007) by a show this evening and felt much delight.

And the second thing is sort of an opinion question (which a lot of you don't participate in, but I'd love one or two thoughts). Converse (lo-rise is maybe my favorite shoe of all time. Right now I'm sporting grey, but I have had red many a time in the past) has a neat little thingy on their site for the whole Bono Project (red) thing. Basically it's a "design your own" converse store. I love it. And I've pretty much designed shoes that I can't wait to own. BUT, I'm stumped by the personalization bit. I'd love to embroider something fun on my shoe (on the side, small, towards the bottom on the outside, towards the back). My first few thoughts I keep questioning. My favorite idea would have been a go ahead if there hadn't been a movie named the same thing. My shoes would say "happy feet." But I feel like people would see that and automatically make a dumb penguin joke OR ask if it has to do with the movie. My other ideas involve basic words that cover the range of motion (skip, dance etc). Do you think I can get away with happy feet? If that's not your favorite idea, what do you think I should put on my shoes?

I'm back to school tomorrow. I do promise to weekly letter and box o'question you all every week. As for other content...I make no promises.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Letter 3...

Dear 2007,

Please don't be a terrible year.

You started with hunger. In various ways I am hungry. But right now mostly in the sense of the actual meaning of the word - as in my stomach feels like an empty pit. And so begins the diet...

And now you've provided me with cat puke...which I see only about every other month (or even longer).

Hoping day 1 isn't indicative of the rest of the year....I'm keeping a close watch on you 2007. I am not impressed and do not trust you thus far...

Not so sincerely yours,