I just finished reading Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg. And I saw her speak last week. In order to understand where this next bit is coming from, I'm going to go ahead and quote myself from this blog. 8/17/2005:

To be honest, I don't think I have very much ambition in life

I have never seen myself as someone who wanted a high power (or responsibility) career. And reading Lean In and hearing Sheryl talk...for the first time ever I'm wondering if that is really me or if that is societal pressure. That sounds silly but - I don't want to be a C-level executive (CEO, CIO, COO) and never have - I just want to do a solid day's work and not hate it. If I can enjoy it a little - bully for me. And if I can get paid enough to live a cushy life - bully for us. (totally off track: how is bully an adjective that means super good but also a noun for jerks who taunt others?). But do I feel that way because I was really just meant to be a cog or do I feel that way because I inherently know I'm a woman and have strong, ingrained stereotypical rules for what women should and shouldn't excel in?

Clearly Lean In was really thought provoking for me. I'm totally guilty of trying to plan my career around whether or not we're having kids - before we have even gotten near having a baby. I'm 1000% guilty of wanting to be liked - I think it's the only way I've ever gotten anything done at work. And on the flip side, I think it's one of the main reasons some of my coworkers slough off my opinions or ideas sometimes. I'm trying to be nice rather than presenting my idea forcefully.

I'm a lady and nearly every single thing she listed as ladies doing to prevent themselves from succeeding, I've done and do on a regular basis. So great, now what? I guess I just hope to be conscious of my wanting to be liked, start to attribute my success to myself, try to speak up, etc.

I didn't expect to vibe on the book as much as I have. I have seen Sheryl speak on many shows (and in person) now and her message is pretty solid (though boringly similar - book selling tours! Talking points! Boring). Do recommend.

absolutely nothing.

Two of the last three books I read during my epic reading journey (the Time 100 list + librarian recommended books before you die) were set in World War I. Both involved trench warfare and the horrors of the front line. One was from the German point of view, one from the English. Both fascinating, gruesome and really depressing.

Birdsong was kind of surprisingly, a lovely love story. It was also about family and really, the word I keep coming up with is love. There were some really dark war filled sections of the book but it fit and felt exactly what I imagine war feels like in anyone's life - uncomfortable, uncertain, dirty, dark. 

All Quiet on the Western Front was really just a war novel. I walked away struck by the book - I really enjoyed it and at the same time, didn't enjoy anything about it. The novelist was a veteran of the war, so I can only imagine that the harrowing story, while fictionalized, is also taken from real experience. 

Recommend them both. Really liked that I read them within a month span of each other as well.

sparkle peen

Twilight. Yes, this is going to be about Bella & Edward. I have read the series and while it may be passe to say so, I ripped through them quite speedily and enjoyed most of my reading time. If you haven't read them (or seen the movies) you will find better uses of your time than continuing on here.

That last book though....I started to feel uncomfortable with the whole thing. Controlling boyfriend/husband, abstinence, really passive and depressing girl who only wants to be exactly like her boyfriend (I think of this as chameleon syndrome), weird baby/werewolf plotline involving, essentially, pedophilia. I'm sure if I kept trying I could think of more. I felt a bit let down, maybe even disgusted.

Today I read this (please read): http://thehairpin.com/2011/11/our-bella-ourselves

And while most of my horror is not even discussed here, it does make me think about Bella a bit differently. The argument is that Bella's depressing and creepy chameleon syndrome and her obsession with Edward is just a girl teenager issue. Everything relationship just seems amplified when you're 16/17/18 and at the same time you have no idea who or even what you are. It's why we no longer look kindly on people that get married that young. At that age, you're just swept up in your own emotional drama that you can't truly figure yourself out. Bella might suck, but she sucks in a way that most teenage girls suck, which is why most teenage girls like the books.

The comments, too, are interesting. I mostly expected people to be very negative (Twilight + a community of ladies = a certain brand of feminism SCREAMS in horror). Turns out it's mostly just a discussion of the articles good points and maybe not so great ones. It's like 16 & pregnant. Romanticizing something that isn't great for youngsters (chameleon syndrome/controlling boyfriend/teen pregnancy) isn't something I'm a proponent of.

Pedophilia, abstinence and controlling boyfriend are still a large, hideous Twilight issue for me though.

Two brief and basic reviews for today. 

One.
This afternoon I dragged loml to see the latest HP movie: Deathly Hallows the first.  I was going to see it with a fellow HP lover but movie times failed us.  Apparently if you wait a month to see a movie you don't have all that many options.  Anyway, I think it was fantastically done.  The last movie was OK, enjoyable, but I thought there were too many liberties taken (like the burning down of the Weasley's house which apparently had magically reappeared in the same form in this film).  It was also kind of fun to see what questions loml had about what happened in the film: what are snatchers?  what year is it now?  etc etc.  Also, no, the "naked silver twilight makeout" scene was not like that in the book.  It is fun to imagine how JK Rowling would have written that though...

Two.
I recently finished Tess of the D'urbervilles.  It was a smooth read; I read it and was interested in what was going to happen almost the whole way through.  But this book made me confront something about myself:  I do not enjoy unhappy books.  And I especially don't like an unhappy end.  I've thought of a few exceptions to this rule, but overall I'd rather read a happy ending.  And while Tess was clearly engaging due to how well written it was, my goodness what a depressing book.  What am I supposed to take out of it?  That pride prevents people from being happy or that blind devotion does?  That having no true faith will lead you to toil and gloom?  And really, who would ever say this is their favorite book?  That is the part that baffles me the most.  Who reads this and thinks, well, it was engaging and depressing but MAN did I enjoy all that time that I felt depressed while reading it?

I have an irrational, ridiculous hate for the word ablution.

Out of all the words to hate, I realize it's not a real winner.  I read romance novels, so I know how many terrible words there are out there in the world (or I know how many terrible words there are to describe sex and anything sexual).  I mean.  Quim.  Mons.  Member.  Bulge.  Sheath.  Explosions.  

And yet, I read ablution and want to throw a book down in disgust.  Just wipe it up, nothing fancy.

Day 5 + book quest...

Adjectives...

Morning: bitter (slight headache again!)
Afternoon: occupied
Evening: sluggish

Last night I finished another book quest novel, The Crying of Lot 49. My summary:

• I do not like Thomas Pynchon. Which means that reading this book might just be the final death knell on Gravity's Rainbow.
• Some "literary fiction" is crap.
  
• I learned nothing.

That being said, I didn't hate it but I certainly didn't like it. My review: it was OK. Unless you're on a quest or you liked Gravity's Rainbow (if you do, please explain how that is possible), don't read it. 52 read, 70 to go...Atonement next.

Book quest, revived...

At this point, you may have forgotten about the book quest (explanation here). That's because I haven't finished a book since April of last year. It took me 9 months to read The Adventures of Augie March (Saul Bellow). I actually didn't hate the book - I sort of liked it. It took me that long to read because:

1. I was unmotivated and had almost stopped attending class altogether (travel to class and class were my main reading times).
2. The book was a little slow in parts.

At this point, it's hard to remember the beginning of the novel. In the end though, I was happy with the book. And while I found Augie infuriating at times, I found him relatable. I found his quest to find himself relatable. And maybe that has something to do with where I am in life...but whatever, it worked.

So, up next: Either Atonement (Ian McEwan) or The Sportswriter (Richard Ford).
My counts: I have read 51 of the books, which means there are 71 left...

Beedle, doodle, deedle...

This is all going to be entirely irrelevant...

For my final banned book I read "The Giver". I'm not going to say much about it here because possible readers of this blog are going to be reading it. I really enjoyed it...and this is a book I would whole-heartedly recommend to any reader. I won't go anymore into it, but if you haven't read it I think you should. It's about 180 pages and took me a few hours to read. I have a copy to borrow if any of you want it....

Last night, I was sort of at a loss for what to do. I was caught up with lectures. I had read the case we discuss Thursday. I was waiting for an assignment to be posted (promised over the weekend, never showed up). So I managed to knit this cute little baby sock:



I am a little uncertain about the so-called "zig-zag bind-off" which forms the weird little ruffle on top of the sock; shown in close-up here:



I think it's sort of ugly and unfinished looking. But apparently it's a fancy bind-off and it's meant to look that way. And to be completely honest with the timing of this knit, I knit a tiny bit on Saturday, a bunch on Sunday and then finished it up last night...

There's this commercial...a dog food commercial with a David Duchovny voice-over. And it makes me yearn for a dog. Not that my cats aren't awesome. I mean...hell, Boku lets me scratch her head almost all of the time now. But, all joking aside, I do love my cats probably a bit too much. But I have oozing amounts of pet love to give. And there is a certain amount of interaction that a dog provides that a cat just doesn't...although on the flip side of that, there is also a much larger quantity of poop to scoop...

Banned book tres...

So for my final banned book review, I read the classic Are you there God? It's me, Margaret. I am fairly sure that I had read this book before (it all seemed vaguely familiar...).

In case you're unaware of the plot, I'll summarize. Margaret moves. Moving problems ensue (fitting in and going through puberty at same time). That's basically it. With the added twist that Margaret was not raised religiously and is trying to figure out what she believes in (I think it's important to note that Margaret is trying to find WHAT she believes in, not IF she believes. There is one point in the book where she gets angry with God. But she doesn't not believe).

I think it was actually sort of good that I had read Alice, because these two characters are basically going through the same age period. And where Alice was annoying, Margaret was lovable. Her search is endearing and in the end, it's more about reaching for knowledge than anything anti-religion.

And the religion thing...that's why it's banned. And that makes me sad. I think it's great that this young girl is trying to find her own way in the quagmire of organized religions. In the end she doesn't have a definitive answer, but she still believes. And that is a positive message for anyone, it certainly isn't anti-organized religion.

I just Wikipedia'd this, and it says that it's banned "due to its frank treatment of sexuality and religion." And by sexuality we mean: Margaret getting her period.

Banning books is SO WEIRD. Absolutely unnecessary in this case. A lovely coming of age book that I would recommend to anyone.

Banned Books 1 & 2...

So in honor of Banned Books week, I chose to read 4 banned books. One of them is for a book club though, so you won't hear about it here. "Book reports" follow:

The first book I read was "Agony of Alice". And while it was an OK kids book (not even YA) I could not figure out why it was banned. Alice was pretty tame. Besides getting her period, having a brother who drinks beer and being raised by a single father (because her mother died), Alice was like any other kid. Except maybe a little more annoying. She annoyed me through most of the book.

It turns out, the series of Alice is banned...because of some of the later books...the high school books (Alice was in 6th grade in Agony). She probably has sex (gasp) or tries drugs or something. Either way, I was pretty neutral about the book I did read..mainly because Alice annoyed me so much.

Banned book number 2 is The Outsiders. I really enjoyed this book. And this one was pretty easy to see why it was banned. Death, violence, "hoods" and "greasers", rumbles (big, multi-person fights), switchblades, guns...etc. The main character questions all of this stuff constantly and in the end, we're sort of led to believe that he is going to make something of himself. Uplifting - a boy who has nothing and comes from nothing who can make it because he has brains - what a great lesson for kids. Also, there's a great subplot about family - family as the most important support system a kid could have (even if that family isn't typical, even if sometimes that family is made of friends).

I see why it was banned, but I think it is superficial to ban a book for death and violence. You'd have to ban the TV too. And the newspaper. Especially this book, which in the end is more about the triumph of a boy who to many adults would seem like a lost cause. Would recommend this book to anyone who is coming of age.

As a side note, I watched the movie for The Outsiders and wasn't all that impressed. Book is better.

My tuesday...

So, I'm enjoying this whole 'blogging every day' thing. I enjoyed it last November and I enjoy it right now...

Instead of sorting through my pile of crap, I've entertained myself tonight in myriad ways. Yes, I'm technically still busy cleaning the apartment - if by cleaning you mean "walking around the crap and looking at it forlornly." The one big pile of crap has become numerous little piles of crap ("sorted") and then one smaller pile of crap. So I'm close to having the cleaning done (HA. Not true - I'm close to having the sorting done. Then I probably need hours to put stuff away, vacuum and Wet Jet).

Here's what I've done in the last 2 hours:

1. Ate.
2. Organized my bookshelf.
3. The above really only meant that I put all of my yarn into lovely little Target bought faux leather milkcrates (which are both already full) and shifted books around to fit said crates onto the bookshelf.
4. Took pictures of all of my "stash" yarns which I am now going to post on Ravelry - which I love, love, love.
5. Read some HP and the Prisoner of Azkaban and Children of Men (the latter for an experimental book club).
6. Filled out a rebate form.
7. Started watching Sin City - which I don't love. I don't even know that I like it....

Hope you all are having a fun Tuesday...

Whoopsy Daisy...

Some odds and ends...

• While on vacation I finished another book quest novel - The Painted Bird by Jerzy Kosinski. The book was intriguing...interesting. It definitely kept my interest. And it holds the unique position of being the most graphic, explicit book I have ever read. Honestly. Which I completely did not expect. Brutal, bloody murders/fights, rape, rape, gang rape, dog killed, bird tortured, etc. I felt cringey often. But I somehow stayed involved in it.
• I think silk flower arrangements would be all that much more realistic if they included some slightly droopy or wilting flowers.
  
• The cold has sucked all of the humidity out of my apartment and a humidifier disaster (of the black scary mold type) has left me with no fix for it. So I'm dry. And my new Gap boyfriend khakis have the hardest, scratchiest, most painful seams in the thighs. It was an uncomfortable day.

That's all.

Finally...

I have a few finally's for you all...

First, I finally loaded all of my music onto my Christmas present beautiful video IPod. And it is 1000 times better and more awesome than my old hand-me-down chunker IPod. I love the pretty screen. I love the long battery (two hours of use and no noticeable battery change - still full? Amazing). I love it.

Secondly, I finally read a book off of Time 100 that I am truly glad I read. I have liked some of the books and I really liked the graphic novel. But this book...this book I loved. It was Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro. I don't know what it was - my guess is that it was the combination of a very current moral question and solid storytelling. Either way, here's the breakdown:
49 out of 122 read. Enjoyed approximately 15. Hated (just downright hated) about 2.5. That means I was neutral about 31.5 of the books. I guess the hated section could be worse...but the enjoyed section could be better...

And lastly, I finally finished my first sock:



Fat little foot. It only looks so fat because it's so small. Small and wide. But how nice is it that if I make socks for myself I don't have to knit as much (small feet) and can make them perfectly sized for my tiny freak feet?

You're all getting socks from now on. And, I really enjoy the self-striping yarn.

Some notes from the day...

• I think I have to go ahead and delete some of the links to blogs of friends...basically dead blogs. It's just starting to get to the point where it seems silly to even have a link to a site that is 6 months dead...
• Quitting the job today...it was almost a pleasure compared to my last time around. It highlighted the problems in that first "real" job. The fact that all of my bosses today (I have between 3 and 4. Yes, I had to notice them all) were happy for me...well that just goes to show how a real manager and office should work. The last time I did this there was talk of punishment, talk of giving me the worst tasks for my last two weeks, talk of taking away privileges in case I sabotaged. Something that none of my bosses today considered for a second. Not for a second. And I'm actually sad to go. While my job is boring, my big supervisor (the highest up) is someone I highly respect. I just can't believe how small, how petty the managers at the "real" job were and the contrast with my current managers.
• The whole quitting thing is still bittersweet. Tomorrow I have to call the fashion lady and turn down her offer. Which I dread. Because I like her as a person and it's almost like turning down a request for help from a friend. But its not. And I'll get over it. And today I was told by my "big supervisor" that he had planned to create a full time position for me down the line. He's still going to eventually create the position and even mentioned offering it to me in the future. I guess this is what networking is, heh?
• I finished On the Road by Jack Kerouac. There were some great passages/sentences that I did stop and think...oh, that was nice. But all in all, I hated Dean. And the book itself...I'm neutral.

My superhero outfit wouldn't have pants...

Tonight, at class, my pants were so uncomfortable around my belly that I thought I was going to die. So tight. Oh, and then the professor was boring as shit so three hours lasted about 6. I'm back to counting points, I've lost a good amount of weight in the first week and a half, and I wore these same pants all day Monday with no pain. They are jeans. They should have stretched between then and now, right? And I lost weight between then and now. So WTF pants! I hate you.

In other news, my inner child is a comic book nerd. I finished The Watchmen by Moore and Gibbons tonight. DC Comics book. Graphic novel. A surprising choice for Time 100. But I am very glad it was on the list. It was a really enjoyable read for me. I don't know if I'll make the leap into comics, but to find I can read a superhero graphic novel and enjoy it...well, I feel I may just have to see what else is out there. So bravo Time 100. You've finally brought me something that may make an impact on my future reading. Bravo.

Hormonal hijinks...

I don't know what is going on with me lately - my moods are all roller-coastery. I'm happy one minute and sad the next. Maybe I should start worrying about some kind of serious winter depression...at the moment though I really think it's the combination of endless boring work hours and holiday stress. Either way, I'm totally unpredictable. And so will this post be...

I watched last night's Daily Show this evening...and for some reason Lincoln Chaffee (did any of you see the show?) really tugged my heartstrings. I really liked the guy (shock: he's a republican). And I sort of felt bad that he'd lost. He was so....sad and...pathetic. He seemed like a decent guy. After the show was over I "wikipedia'd" him and found out that he's not so much a republican as...a rebel republican. His voting record seems pretty stellar. Am I just hard-wired to only sympathize with/like liberals? Creepy.

Book quest news: I finished Time Travelers Wife and enjoyed it. I think that's all I'll say about it. Now I'm reading Possession:A Romance. I need to make a confession in regards to the book. Warning to M and A: this might contain some spoiling info...but seeing as I'm not even halfway through the book I can't ruin it too much for you. However, if you don't want to know anything about the book, stop reading now.

My confession: I keep skipping large passages in the book. In total I've probably skipped 10 pages. I know, it seems like a lot. The book is a literary mystery. The plot revolves around academic geeks who are researching two poets. Of the made-up variety. Anyway, a lot of the research is actually part of the book and a lot of that research is in the form of poems. Epic poems. I keep skipping large chunks of poetry. I never signed up to read poetry. And I confess that I don't really understand or enjoy poetry. The poetry in this particular book is probably fairly important or "deep" but at the same time, I can get the big picture of the book without reading all of the poetry.

A thought that keeps popping up when I'm reading the book is that written correspondence is a lost art. I like to pretend at times to be a letter writer (although not recently, sorry all you distant friends). But the true enjoyment and delight of letters has been lost. A casualty of technology?

All I want is....

Today I am having one of those days. The kind of day where you just wake up wrong - unrefreshed and somewhat angry**. Where the day stretches before you like a vast tundra of unpleasantness. And everything that happens is some kind of insult to you (the man that cuts you off in the queue to walk down the L stairs, the coworker who doesn't ask if you want something from Dunkin Donuts, the smelly garbage truck blocking your walkway while emptying a smelly, dripping bar dumpster etc, etc). Any other day any of these things would be treated as nothing.

So today I'll just quick review Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe. I really liked this book. Like all of my reviews I won't say anything highly intelligent here, since I tend to read books for entertainment only. All I can say is that it engaged me and I read it quickly. In a side note I'll say that while I read Day of the Locust quickly, I did not enjoy that one. I guess the difference is that I feel like there was a kernel of truth in Things Fall Apart. In Day of the Locust I sort of felt like it was just a story (and a slightly boring one at that). I would recommend Things Fall Apart to anyone that wants a good read, a real read (this is not a fluffy book).

The completion of the title sentence is "cottage cheese and a Harry Potter movie". I think I'll do both while staring blankly at my schoolwork.

**The reason I woke up angry is that my darling cat, Mona, decided she was annoyed or playful or something at 6:30 am. She complained and moaned (cat speak) for literally 10 minutes straight. I can't figure out if she was just pissed because Boku and I were both still in bed or if she was chatting with her toy. Either way, I ended up yelling at her. Which didn't work (she's a cat, she doesn't listen). I did end up scaring Boku out of bed though (she stared at me wearily for a minute or two and then jumped ship) which did shut Mona up. No hard feelings though - Mona is currently warming my lap.

Busy, busy, busy....

I've been busy for the last two hours coding a store for my buttons. Sounds exciting...except it's actually my final project for one of my classes and it won't technically be functional. Basically it will be an "honor system" site. It'll have a shopping cart, a checkout and my stock numbers will be decreased by every purchase. But I don't have any credit card functionality and it's hosted on my school's server. So...just a fun practice web site...nothing more. Right now I'm already about half-way done. I have everything put together on the site except the login and checkout pages and the shopping cart functionality. Sounds like a lot, but the background stuff took awhile (all databases have been created).

In other news I have read two Time 100 books since...what was it, last Friday? Yeah, I don't know how I did it either. Fast reads. I think I'll save those reviews for some really sad days where I can't think of anything else to say.

And back to the grind...a not-so-fun weekend ahead involving coding, design scenarios, a horrible group meeting and a design class diagram. Sounds nerdy, eh?

Book quest update...

I was going to use today to update you on my progress knitting (my newest hobby). But I have to take pictures, then work with those pictures and blah blah blah...feel too lazy for that. So come back tomorrow to see my work-in-progress scarf and the baby blanket that was already given away. So instead...book quest update.

I should probably explain the book quest since there are tons of new people stopping by this blog (Welcome NaBloPoMo randomizers! Other readers, for a fun time/to find new and exciting blogs go randomize). Basically Time Magazine put out a list of the 100 best English language novels since 1923. I am going to read all of them (along with A and M, my partners in craziness). Add to this list the 30 books you should read before you die (chosen by librarians) and you get a list of 122 books (there is some overlap and we decided not to include the Bible. It just wasn't going to happen). So far I've read 42 (exactly 80 left).

Since we last discussed the book quest I have read 4 books (i think...). Right now I don't think I'll review all 4 but...maybe when I run out of things to say in late November I'll be revisiting those books...

Last night I finished Mrs. Dalloway. I also read To the Lighthouse some time ago for the quest, so I feel familiar with Virginia Woolf. I've decided that her writing is just not for me. She writes beautifully and sometimes I did find myself appreciating a sentence for its artistry. But in all, I found myself bored with the book. I got lost in some of the sentences and had to read them over. I got lost in the imagery and had to go back and figure out who was saying what. This could be attributed to my speed reading. But even when reading slow I found myself/my brain somewhere else. I just wasn't involved - and for me, I judge a book by my involvement with the characters. So eh, not a winner.

Next up: Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe. I am about 30 pages in already and am enjoying it.