I've been thinking a lot lately about deadlines. Deadlines we set for ourselves. I mean, we all do it...some of us (me) do it every day. I'll finish this before I can start something new. By this time I'll have done this. Today I will do this. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. I think deadlines that revolve around my own productivity are just a way to push myself to get more done.
But recently I have had a really hard time with people that set other kinds of deadlines. And I have been guilty of this (I still am: I'll finish school by March 2008). Deadlines that rely heavily on other people or outside influence (in my example: the course schedule can pretty much make or break that date). Mainly though, the deadline that some single women set: I want to be married before I'm 30. I want to start having kids before I'm 35. It all seems so impossible - how can you possibly set that kind of timeline? Finding a reliable and good partner might not be in the cards for the next 5 or 10 years. What then? And let's say you do have someone...your womb? It may have other plans...It just seems that putting all your hopes into things you cannot control...it seems so silly.
Just like it seems silly when others (family, friends, strangers) wonder about your marital prospects and baby-making future. Who cares if I ever find someone? I guess that's a pretty liberal state of mind, heh? Radical even...
And totally a recurring theme...sorry kids. I just saw an Oprah (yes, yes, I watch Oprah) show about thirty-something women. And the first story was about women who were still single. Which I can totally imagine for myself with absolutely no disappointment. But they were taking sort of different stands on it (one of them gung-ho I will marry, one of them going to try for a baby alone, and one of them just happy to be as she is...).
I don't know...it got me thinking about deadlines. And how I'm really going to try not to set them anymore. If I don't graduate in March...so what? The world will not end. If I'm 30 and still single? Who cares...
I really hope you can stick to that, it sounds like a wonderful existance. There is something strange that happens around 28 when all of your friends start marrying and then it seems like all you ever hear about is engagements and marriages. Then a year or so later, all you hear about are babies babie babies! It's all wonderful but I just hope everyone is doing it for the right reasons and not because it fits to the timetable. Maybe that explains our generation's divorce rate?
ReplyDeleteI don't really have those major life deadlines either. I never really have, mostly because I'm unmotivated. And in fact, I'm terribly bad at meeting even the small deadlines I set for myself.
ReplyDeleteI think too that for a long time I didn't know what I wanted, and sometimes still don't. To marry or to not marry? To get an MLS or to not? New job? Same job? I just have a really hard time figuring out what it is I want, and so it's hard to set deadlines about that.
well, let me just say, stay strong sister. i am 31 (nearly 32! gah!), single, and successfully avoided becoming a pumpkin on august 23, 2005 when i turned 30, single then as well. and as far as i know, i am nearly two years later ... still not a pumpkin. i will say, it was much weirder from about 26-29 when it felt like all the people i knew were getting married.
ReplyDeletehowever - if nothing else - i'm still here!
better to be alone and happy than with someone for the wrong reasons, i say. and i am happy. i just saw my ex last weekend, and we had a really nice conversation - and i didn't feel the least bit regretful or sorry, though i was glad to talk to him (unusual for me, but that's a blog post in and of itself).
and, on a related note, i decided to have my life back and graduate a bit later. after all, i am not thinking i want to switch careers, maybe just shake up what i am doing a bit ... so what's another six months if i can have more of a life in the meantime, meaning, i can piddle around more? and blog less guiltily? :)