Dear Chicago Post Office,
My mailman no longer comes everyday. I have had suspicions before. Today, the day after a holiday, I should have been overloaded with junk mail. I had a cavernous, empty mail box. There is no way that I didn't get any mail today. No way. I get at least a catalog everyday....
Chicago mail tardier? No shit.
And I can't exactly complain about my postal worker - if they knew it was me (and in a city like Chicago, where corruption is the norm, the chances of them finding out who complained seem awfully high) wouldn't my mail just get tardier? You know, the mailman withholding just like a disgruntled waitress spits in your food.
I like mail. Give me my mail.
You're my "American Idol style" Democratic presidential candidate. Kick Hilary's ass!