The guilt and decisions of an adult.

First let me start by saying that i feel lots of guilt because its 7:30am and I'm at home. That's right, I'm home sick. I decided to take the plunge and be a bad employee last night when we didn't get back from Chicago until 11. Apartment hunting and dinner with the cousin lasted a little longer than expected. Woke up this morning a little earlier than I would have liked (sleeping in until 7 is not really sleeping in) with a splitting headache. So now I feel vindicated.

Plus, to be honest, there was very little to do at work. It was boring and the days were stretching to infiniti.

Anyway, I think I found the apartment I want. I've gone up and done and around again trying to reason my way through this (or out of the apartment) but I still want it. Which is probably one of the reasons I didn't sleep well and woke up with a pounding headache. Because there's reasons why each of the apartments we saw were good, and there's reasons why they aren't. And this one is seriously vintage...I mean the kitchen is a little oldish and the bathroom too. But that is not even that important (especially because there is a mini dishwasher). The apartment has this old, homey feel. Theres a fireplace (although it doesn't actually work) and my bedroom would actually be up a little spiral staircase (wood, not metal). The living room can then be looked at from the little balcony leading to the bedroom. Ok, so pretty much, its cool. And big, and not far from the EL and I'd probably buy parking in a hospital parking lot (which can only be assumed is safe). I really like it. I can't talk myself out of it.

As moving to the city gets closer, it gets scarier. I mean, I like being alone, but being all alone, all the time. Sounds lonely, right? But exciting at the same time. It's going to take some getting used to.

Swooping back to the guilt for not being at work pretending to work right now. Until my underwriter gets back there's a decided lack of things to be done at work. And everyone around the office knows it...i mean, everyone. And we all sit and look busy. Which is boring and long.

So, the headache is a little better...maybe i'll do lots of things while i'm sitting around feeling guilty.

I wonder...

what it would be like to have no ass. I was walking down Madison St. on my way to the train station, and this lady seriously cut me off. While I was fuming at her terrible walking manners, I noticed that her back, ass and thighs were all straight. There was no bump for a bum...not even a subtle one. And so, while walking to the train, I came up with a list of reasons why a butt is very important to everyday life (and mine in particular).

1. As a self-proclaimed lazy ass (if you have no butt, can you even use this term??), i sit for about 12 hours of my day. I sit at work, i sit on the train, i sit on the couch at home. And my rear has ample padding to make all this sitting more comfortable.
2. In order to keep pants on, the butt provides a convenient breaker. Without it, your pants can literally slide off of your body. I know one person, no names, that is always showing crack because she has very little butt. You know who you are...
3. For myself, I kind of like my butt. I mean, i personally think its one of my better points. And wouldn't it be sad to not get to like your butt?
4. Pockets. Ok, now this was taken straight from the bad walker. Her pants looked awkward because her pockets were all off. Apparently, with no butt, your pockets don't "fill out". I didn't know this was an issue, but after seeing her pants...it is, i promise.

That's how I fill my time walking to and from the train station. Being cut off by rude people(it must be a short girl thing) and then noticing their weirdenesses.

This is me....tired...

Yes its true, I again have referenced a truly terrible lyric/album title because these phrases just stick. But I am unusually tired. I can't be sure why, except that I honestly could not sleep because of worrying about apartment finding. Here's the problem:

I found an apartment that felt kind of right...except it cost too much. And it does have its problems. Its a little older, has a kind of crappy kitchen and no dishwasher. Also, no central air...although there is the option of putting in a window unit. The neighborhood is lovely...but it is very neighborhoodly, so I'm a little worried that at night it could be creepy (dark tree-lined, older street, pretty but could be eery). And the parking is going to be a short walk. All in all, it felt right, but is it right? So I'm going to see more apartments wednesday and then going back to that one to compare. We'll see.

Other things: for some reason I'm totally rude right now. Besides having a good friend just return from Canada and not spending loads of time with her, I've also not been returning a call I got from an old friend. I do like these people, one of them a lot (the other is an old friend that i could like a lot eventually, but old friend means i don't really know him anymore), its just so strained right now. I feel all stretched and blah. It will pass, its just the stress of making a life-changing decision.

I have to go fill out vocab words and such for insurance school. All my entries are kind of depressing eh? Just a weird time right now?

Uh...

So I couldn't think of a title for this entry. I guess I'm not feeling too witty today. Wanted to say a few things.

I'm trying out this hit counter thing (see very bottom of page). Got the idea from my sister, who gets quite a lot of hits. I can't hope to keep up. After all, I'm not in that academic/political blog category that many people out there seem to enjoy frequenting. Mine is more of a, "See what Katie is doing," for my friends and family members. Anyway, I thought it would be interesting to see how this hit counter/statistics thing works.

Wimbledon was quite a good crappy romance movie. Paul Bettany is gorgeous. Although it still does not make up for the fact that I should have been seeing Keane and big baby head. If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about with big baby head...look at this picture. See, he really does have a big baby head. And yet strangely, after seeing him onstage once, he is quite attractive. Very magnetic. His name is really Tom Chaplin..very good band, check it out.

Going to look at apartments today. If all goes well, hopefully I will be writing another post later about my favorite/soon to be new apartment.

Pumpkin carving party anyone? If you're interested, let me know.

Off to prepare to be driven to dozens of apartments.

A few points...

I'm beginning to think i should rename my blog "bullet points of Katie" or something since I constantly think like that. Honestly, half of my entries are just a collection of random thoughts. And here comes another:

• Back to the whole really skinny girl thing. Besides the fact that these girls are scary, unhealthy and not entirely attractive, a commenter of mine has classified them as easy as well. So, if all the boys are hitting on these girls because its assumed their easy, the boys aren't even giving the rest of us a chance to be easy. Maybe everyone is deep-down secretly easy and just isn't getting the chance to express it (but not me Mom and Dad, not me). My point is, these boys who only go for these girls because they know they'll get lucky...they are only creating problems in the rest of the healthy girls. Maybe all those anorexic girls only got that way from watching other anorexic girls get ass. I just feel bad for the sickly skinny girls. Who doesn't like to eat? And boys, hit on a healthy looking girl every once in a while, we're fun, i swear!

• I recently received an email asking why I had not blogged on a particular day. While I do feel like bragging about how much everyone loves my blog (just kidding, i really feel most days like people read it and laugh and think, "that Katie is one nutty girl), I do feel like I must say that most days, nothing interesting happens and therefore there is nothing to blog about. I sit around an awful lot, more than your average girl/twenty-something. I have in fact been told "no one is going to come knocking on your door, you have to get out there" more than once. Which is stupid, because I know that.

• Everyone always tells me how exciting it is to be moving to the city, and then they proceed to tell me about Lincoln Park rapists and muggings and stuff. Be happy for me, don't try to scare me out of it.

Have to go eat pizza and then go see Wimbledon.

We should have gone to the Chicago show...

So you know how sometimes you just have a bad day or two? It's not that anything really terrible has happened or that there's really anything to be sad about, but you just feel down? Well I was having that kind of day yesterday, just kind of felt like maybe I needed a good cry. But I think maybe it might have spread to today.

I'm just a little tired. Work is exhausting and its just tiring.

And now the Milwaukee Keane show has been cancelled, and I can't help but think, if only we had gone to the Chicago show. Because that's Sunday...and it hasn't been cancelled yet.

I was so ready to see big baby head.

Now I have a long weekend ahead...although, am going to see apartments Sunday.

Raindrops on roses....

Some of my favorite things:

the feeling of cleaning your face at night...the cooling, clean feeling. Can't be beat.

a piece of paper with ballpoint pen writing on either side. a great example is your check register (if you keep your checkbook balanced using ball point pen). the paper becomes all bumpy and yet soft somehow...it never fails to make me happy.

a crispy piece of bacon. Soggy bacon need not apply. The English do bacon a grievous wrong...english style bacon is chewy, like chewing on a raw piece of meat. Gross.

when you're reading a book and you start to use vocabulary from that book. For example, in this lovely train of thought entry i just said "grievous wrong" and actually thought it. Because I'm reading Jane Austen. Its a fun way to think and even more fun to expand the vocabulary...

live music. I want to say that I like to hear everything once...but I may not enjoy a country or rap concert (although I do have one in my concert past). But a great concert is warming.

random acts of kindness...almost always the ones that make me feel hugged are the ones that i have no part in. For example, there was a man who was obviously visually impaired walking away from the train in Geneva. I think he was trying to get to the other side of the tracks...at least two people immediately offered help. And a blind woman in the train station every morning in Chicago is frequently offered help, something I never expect (even though I saw it nearly everyday). You always hear that Americans are assholes..

a sweatshirt or blanket warm from the dryer on a cold, dreary winter day. I always feel so cozy on those kinds of days, I kind of love them. Even if there is snow involved usually.

a pretty flower...an iris, an orchid...a daisy.

a movie that gets stuck in your head because it was so good and I'm going to be cheesy here: it "spoke to you". Or one that is fluffy and at the end you can't help but feel hope. Lots of it.

my cat when shes shaved. SO SOFT.

ok, thats it. for now.

Memory issue...

Just remembered that last point I wanted to make...although the underwear joke was good, right? Ok, now I'm tooting my own horn. But sometimes I do think I'm pretty funny. I laugh at my own jokes...even when I'm just thinking them. Crazy eh? Although one of the things I loved about Jimmy Fallon on Saturday Night Live was his inability to keep a straight face. Totally cute, and always made me want to laugh, even at the not-so-funny jokes.

My last point was this whole hurricane business is really weirding me out. Louisiana is in seriously deep shit because of its low elevation. Earlier today I was trying to send this one fax about 6 times. I finally decided they must have changed the fax number....but when I called there was a fuzzy message about everyone having to evacuate. How scary. Those poor people. Nature can really suck.

Sorry about being all over the place today...its just one of those days.

Disjointed musings...

Ok...this is going to be about as schizo as it can get. I have many potentially entertaining things to discuss:

• I think I'm becoming a comment whore. No really, 3 comments on my last entry, I nearly peed my pants with joy as each new comment showed up! I considered really slutting it up and asking interesting questions in every entry to solicit comments. But then I realized that that would be like fishing for compliments. Totally detestable. Plus, I realized that i would quickly run out of interesting questions and end up asking horrible questions like what color is your shirt today? or whats your favorite tv show? what are you listening to right now? See...it just gets hideous and although I love the comments, I need to respect myself. Although...wouldn't it be fun to know what color underwear everyone is wearing? Yes...but I will not ask it....

• Is it runny or is it hard? The things we talk about when our animals are growing old and decaying. The cat has been crapping runny for ages...but when runny shit shows up on the carpet...the question becomes: was it her or the dog? Because the dog quit eating yesterday so maybe her insides are not quite right. Ah, they're both about to die. Sad isn't it when they're 14 or 15...you know its time (because they smell rotten and demand attention)....but you're not so sure how to feel about it.

• I've decided that the term "losing touch" is crap. I don't really think its about losing touch. I think its about choosing not to maintain contact. Because if it was really worth a friendship, someone would be trying to maintain. An email every now and then, or an IM.

• I had another point I swear, but I forget what it was. Oh, I know...what color is your underwear?

Nothing too interesting...

I have two questions to ask and then I'm off to bed. And if there are any men reading this (I really have no clue of my audience) you should reply and fill us all in.

First: Is a skeleton attractive? I mean, picture a Halloween skeleton. Or one from science class. Does that turn you on? Because honestly, that's what some girls look like. A skeleton with dull-looking sickly skin stuck to it. In Geneva, tasting some wine at the Festival of the Vine (except we didn't really taste any wine because it cost too much and is gross), ran into some people. No names. But the girl looked ill. Honestly...and I have some stats for you (courtesy of Katy)....she weighs 104 lbs and is 5'6". My healthy weight was somewhere like 110-120. I'm 5'1". The girl is dying. And yet, she has this beautiful (although slightly creepy and shady) boy that finds her hot. So what is it boys? What is the fascination with protruding bones? Because isn't that uncomfortable?

Second: It never rains, but it pours. An observation: a girl with a boy is more attractive? Why? Something about competition? I'm thinking about finding a dummy boyfriend. He can just pretend we're dating, then when other guys start hitting on me, he can disappear. It will be lovely...its a great plan.

Now I'm going to bed...because I have a long week of work/insurance school ahead. And a big weekend involving a Keane concert and apartment hunting.

Blogs anyone?

Please see my new section to the left, on the sidebar. Bloggy bloggertons? These are the blogs of people I like. Pay attention...I hope to update and add new ones often.

Ready, set, GO!

Lovely weekend, isn't it?

Not much to say, however, I have a few things that may be of interest to you readers.

First, I got my first comment! Yay Janet. Didn't know a comment was going to make my day. Also, I decided to change the "look" of my blog for something new and different.

Second, I do believe that everyone has a little "peeping tom" in them, so I invite you to indulge your voyeuristic tendencies in the private of your own home and view Jill's wedding online. Her wedding was middle of August. Tons of fun, although please remember that everyone takes a bad picture or two sometimes (theres one where you can literally see me chewing my breakfast). So, you never have to tell anyone you looked (although if you have a funny comment, or would like to tell me how ravishing I looked, please be the second person to post a comment on this page). Here's how to go about it:
go to www.fredfox.com click online ordering
username: najlnd password: denny

What else....oh, Insurance school started this week. My co-worker told me it would be hard. After having been to my first class, I have lost a little bit of respect for her. I mean, the first chapter is, "What is Insurance?" Come on.

And of course, my office manager is back from her cruise. Yesterday I got another dose of her worldly advice. Mainly snide comments on if I was sure I wanted to move and how expensive it is to live in the city. Oh, but maybe if i was so sure I wanted to move, I could handle it if I budget. Honestly, I'm 22, leave me alone. Many of you may think, oh, she's just trying to impart wisdom. If only you could be there to witness the sarcastic tone and mean eyes. Even the underwriter I assist felt the need to step in once when office manager was telling me how I wasn't going to be able to afford to eat and how the office was going to have to pitch in and bring me lunch everyday (she actually said that). My underwriter was like, That's fine, I'll bring her peanut butter and jelly. Which shut the office manager up. Sorry, had to vent.

And now, I'm on to my Beverly Hills 90210 marathon and some silly computer games.

Stay tuned for a link to Janet's new blog and some fun (hopefully) stories about apartment hunting and cousin Jeff's wedding in a few weeks.

Random snippets...

Please enjoy some random snippets of thought I had today:

• If you live in the "Windy City," it may not be the best idea you ever had to style your hair in a comb-over. I saw a guy with a normal short hair-do on one side and long silky strands blowing all over the place on the other. You look stupid, and we all knew you were bald BEFORE the wind hit.
• Getting a job because your Dad knows the boss is not something to be ashamed of. And office politics are stupid when the nice girl is an outcast to a bunch of bitter obnoxious ladies mourning the loss of their youth (don't worry, I am not the nice girl and I am not the hecklers, I'm an in-betweeny who both sides are trying to woo. Don't worry, I'll stay strong in my neutrality.....or lean towards the outcast).
• It is my choice to diet in order to reduce my bust. However, when others find it may be enlightening to tell me that i'm "so small" and "mini" it does nothing for me but make me have to explain that my boobs are still jumbo. And that just embarrasses everyone because then they can't help but look at my boobs and hunchback. I got belittled at lunch and yet the not fat girl who is getting married did not get questioned when she only ate slimy pieces of ham for lunch (no carbs for her). Because she has a reason? Just because I'm short and not fat doesn't mean I don't have a need to diet.
• Scrubs was extremely laugh-inducing last night. I just wanted to declare my love for Zach Braff. And to be honest, my devotion to Justin Timberlake is dying.
• Growing up is weird. Having married friends is weird. Watching people start careers or move to new places/start jobs (maybe not careers)...is different. But kind of exotic and entertaining. Enjoying it.

Good night.

Two more days of work left.

Boredom...

Ok, so nothing too exciting happened this Labor Day. I saw Vanity Fair, I sat around a lot, and I realized just how much I want to move out.

While I do enjoy doing nothing all day, it is really, really hard to mentally adjust to it. I mean, I work all day, all week. So just doing nothing makes me feel little useless. For some reason I think if i live away from here, I'll be more likely to leave. For example, so much more to see/do in Chicago.

The hunt for an apartment starts soon and I'm moving the first weekend in November. Anyone want to help?

Off to eat my pizza....

Vent Fest

Here are some reasons why I feel frustration:

1)The digestives won.
2)Cute sweater bought at Gap only to find out those dimwits forgot to take off the security tag.
3)Lipstick bought for the sole purpose of looking natural. Brought it home, I look like a cheap hooker.
4)I've always been prone to ear issues...but who can't wear headphones? Or in this case, earbuds? They work fine for about 45 minutes...but for some reason a little bit after that the inside of my ear is all swollen and painful. ARGH, EARS!

Here are some reasons why that frustration is semi-neutralized:
1)SHORT week. Get off at noon on Friday, no work next Monday.
2)Pay week....love the paycheck!
3)The book I'm reading right now is seriously good. One of those can't put it down books.
4)Low fat chocolate eclair? Yes please.

Now, I'm pretty tired. Really quite tired. So i'm going to go be useless.