I wonder...

what it would be like to have no ass. I was walking down Madison St. on my way to the train station, and this lady seriously cut me off. While I was fuming at her terrible walking manners, I noticed that her back, ass and thighs were all straight. There was no bump for a bum...not even a subtle one. And so, while walking to the train, I came up with a list of reasons why a butt is very important to everyday life (and mine in particular).

1. As a self-proclaimed lazy ass (if you have no butt, can you even use this term??), i sit for about 12 hours of my day. I sit at work, i sit on the train, i sit on the couch at home. And my rear has ample padding to make all this sitting more comfortable.
2. In order to keep pants on, the butt provides a convenient breaker. Without it, your pants can literally slide off of your body. I know one person, no names, that is always showing crack because she has very little butt. You know who you are...
3. For myself, I kind of like my butt. I mean, i personally think its one of my better points. And wouldn't it be sad to not get to like your butt?
4. Pockets. Ok, now this was taken straight from the bad walker. Her pants looked awkward because her pockets were all off. Apparently, with no butt, your pockets don't "fill out". I didn't know this was an issue, but after seeing her pants...it is, i promise.

That's how I fill my time walking to and from the train station. Being cut off by rude people(it must be a short girl thing) and then noticing their weirdenesses.