Hello Wednesday...

I can honestly say that I had a better day at work than I've had in a while. It was really fast-paced which meant it all kind of went in a blur. Delightful.

I did get involved in an unfortunate conversation about Louisiana at lunch. I have said before that I am not a religious person and do not believe. I have no problem with those that do (unless pushing that religion on me or insulting my opinions) but I do have a question. How can you truly believe that these people brought it on themselves? A lady at my work, in the same breath said "its so sad, so many different people down there were affected, good, bad, rich, poor" and then she proceeded to say there had to be a "reason" and the people didn't get out because they were stupid and didn't want to. UGH. First, if every kind of person was hurt by this, how can they have deserved it? Nuns were probably affected...did they deserve it? Second, how ignorant are you to think that all of these people had the choice to get out and just didn't take it? That has been shown to be false, where are you getting your facts?

On to other things...I have the cutest best new converse in the world. Sadly, they gave me some hideous blisters today. But I'm hoping a good "working in" should fix that.

Yesterday I bought band-aids at Walgreens. Got back to work and there were 5 band-aids in the box. Someone stole band-aids. And then, I managed to buy that single box that someone stole from. Bad luck.

Ugh-a-dug...

Yes that phrase does exist....in my head. I'm all jumbled up right now. Nothing in my life is going as planned and it's making me feel a little stressed, a bit unhappy, a lot like eating and just devoid of "life." Or spark. Or pizzazz. I'm blah.

Do you ever feel a bit invisible? Not totally, but just slightly - like you're hazy?

In the meantime...

I'm full of uncomfortable, serious thoughts. But I'd rather put those off for a day and do the Meme my sister wants me to.

A - Accent: Midwestern with broad Chicago hints (like when I say god)

B - Breast size: Last time I went to Victoria's Secret they told me I could wear a D. But when I put it on, I am clearly still mostly DD.

C - Chore you hate: Vacuuming is my least favorite. I just got a new hand vac to make the stairs easier so that vacuuming does not take as long. But with cats...have to do it, often.

D - Dad's name: James/Jim

E - Essential make-up: NONE

F - Favourite perfume/cologne: Gap Blue (for women)

G - Gold or Silver: Silver

H - Hometown: Bartlett or Geneva

I - Insomnia: used to. I'm a bit better now although still have a rough time falling asleep. Not ingesting caffeine really changed my life.

J - Job title: Currently: unhappy underwriting assistant.

K - Kids: No thank you; I don't care for them.

L - Living arrangements: My 1 bedroom, two floor Lincoln Park wonder.

M - Mom's birthplace: Oooooh, somewhere in IL? I can honestly say that I don't know.

N - Favourite Noldo: yes sister, it is sci-fi. I looked it up and I still have no idea what it is, but I'll go with Elrond.

O - Overnight hospital stay: haven't had one that I remember (ie birth only)

P - Phobia: My worst is possibly falling/heights. Although I have myriad others.

Q - Favorite Quote: Oh my. Impossible question.

R - Religious affiliation: I guess my religion is atheism. Although recently a whole group of atheists were very angry about being classified as a religion. I say, eh, what does it matter anyway? If your religion is not believing in God - kind of contradicts the definition of religion...but I still feel like, eh, stupid thing to worry about.

S - Siblings: Yes, Ang (who is a couple years older) and my little bro, Litty (who is six years younger.)

T - Time I get up: Was 6:01 weekdays, usually around 7 weekends. Now I get to get up at about 6:45, and will probably end up at 8 on weekends.

U - Unnatural hair colors: Nope, never done this. Am thinking about going brunette.

V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: Cauliflower makes me feel ill. I think I can force down most others...

W - Worst habit: Picking the skin off of my cuticles or right now, chewing my lips.

X - X-rays you've had: Only dental.

Y - Yummy foods you make: I make a mean (and very normal) taco.

Z - Zodiac sign: Scorpio.

Ang...lots of the same answers as you, not so exciting.

Roar...

Three things have led me to a mood of disgust and outrage:

1. I just want to say to my color book participants: I'm a little bit doubtful this is going to be happen. Today was your deadline. I had one person back out two days ago (and I'm not going to lie, I am pissed and hurt) and I've had a total of 3 people give me the required information. I know that this is a fun project and deadlines are "a pain in the ass." But I know you guys, and without deadlines this thing would never happen. And I guess because I'm your friend you think the deadlines are bogus? I don't know, I just feel a little like nobody is listening to me. Like you're like, yeah Katie, stop being so bossy, blah blah blah. And my mood right now is forcing me to say: if one of you even tries to come back at me with a "lighten up Katie, this is supposed to be fun" I'm going to scream. Probably at you. It's inconsiderate to the people that actually followed the deadline to just ignore it completely. I'm not sure how you can argue that it's not rude. Maybe I'm a little premature and you'll all come in with addresses and page size and theme before midnight. But I am highly, highly doubtful.
   
2. On the Trib website today there was a headline: "Britney Spears Prays for Hurricane Victims." All I could think is holy fuck, what has the world come to? Why do we care how Britney is reacting? Tell Britney to go have her ghetto baby and leave us alone. The hurricane was a tragedy, we should all do our part, give a little money, worry a little, and if you're religious, yes pray. But at a time like this, when New Orleans is lawless and a death pit, the celebrity thing is a little callous.
   
3. And finally, comments lately have gotten a little out of control in my little blog world. Not only did someone I know harass my sister for no apparent reason in a really vindictive way (and with little actual firepower) but now I've got spam comments. Spam comments? What the hell???

As you can see, I am not to be fucked with today.

But I believe I'm worth coming home to...

This is tremendously late for me to be blogging, I know. But I wanted to get my thoughts down on Tori Amos before I go to bed...or else I'll forget everything. Anyway, this was one of the concerts I really felt like I needed to see in my lifetime. I love most of her old stuff a lot more than the new, but the last two CD's I really did like. That's rambly...but oh well.

Let me just say that I have expressed desire to see a concert at Millenium park's Pritzker Pavilion before this. I was willing to see an orchestra, really anything. And then this opportunity appeared. [note: Tori said during the concert that she was honored to be the first/test pop act at the pavilion. I did not know this. And is she really pop?]. My friend and I showed up after both opening bands had played so we were far back on the lawn. With nothing to sit on. This attracted attention and some concert venue "workers" came over and made fun of us. Then they offered us seats in the pavilion. They were awesome seats. And we only paid $16. Anyway, don't get too excited, he was offering everyone around us seats. There were people declining.

First impression of Tori, wow, who is this lady? Of course there is the poofy (and very long now) red kinky hair. And then she came out wearing a flowing gown. I honestly thought, oh my god, she's dressed like a fairy. This feeling was reinforced when she ran off of the stage at the end holding the sides of her dress so it appeared as if she had wings. She's strange. But the music and voice were really dazzling. I remember why I love her. I was told to expect gyrating, masturbatory movement on her piano...and it really wasn't any worse than Chris Martin. I think his was actually more graphic...ooooh, delicious mental picture.

The concert was really mellow, I found myself thinking a lot about everything (which is unusual for a concert, but oddly cleansing): about the city, my life, and most of all, how wonderful that venue is. Not only was the sound fairly brilliant, you're surrounded by beautiful city buildings and starry sky. Plus, on Wednesdays, it turns out there's a fair view of the Navy Pier fireworks. Fireworks set to the music of Tori.

All in all, a really great experience.

A spinster on spinsters...

My sister and Janet have both discussed this, so this may make more sense if you go to those two links. I totally agree that saying you're attracted to "confidence" is an easy way to sound like a "good guy" without saying something as cliche as "personality." The truth is, I think men mistake a really put together girl as someone with confidence. Maybe those girls do sometimes, but most of the time those girls in the heels with the trendy purse and perfectly hi-lighted hair are trying to be someone. What I mean is, they're trying to emulate an ideal. The "perfectly put together business woman." And if you're trying to be someone else, that's not confidence. I feel like obsession with trendiness kind of points to low confidence. But I do think those girls exude a sort of fake confidence. It's just full of cracks.

Anyway, my idea here is that I do think I tend to be a confident person. Sure, I have my bad days...but all in all I think I'm pretty neat. I know who I am and there is no way I'll fall for a trend or be molded into someone else by a boy. And I think maybe this hurts me...because I know I'm not a heels and skirt kind of girl, so I wear gym shoes, carry a backpack, I slouch. I'm me. And boys see nothing special there. Confidence cannot be seen, so really, let's be honest, you're first attracted to the looks. I admit an obsession with teeth. Mmmm, teeth. First thing I notice. Then eyes, then nose...then confidence? No.

But I have to say: who's to say that in the end its not the confidence that really keeps the guy there? How can we truly say that that celebrity is being smarmy with that answer (p.s. Sister, who was said celebrity)? Isn't it totally cynical to say that?

And why is being a spinster bad? I'm coming to terms with my spinsterhood and I think that women should reclaim the title. Why does it have such negative connotations? I'm "on the shelf" but I'd rather be there than out in a bar faking confidence in a pair of heels and slutty shirt/skirt combo. If that's how you find a boy in Chicago...no thank you.

Quick and useless...

I have a few little things to say, none all that interesting and most useless. But isn't that what my blog is all about? I think so...

First, I read romance novels as a hobby...and I am always maddened by the eye colors the authors choose. How many green eyed people do you know? Grey? Anyone? And every romance novel has a green eyed vixen and a grey eyed conqueror. This is sort of an ongoing annoyance for me. But what is weird, is that I just saw a grey eyed person on TV. I've never seen this before, ever. And where do I see him? On "Meth:A County in Crisis." On a side note, it is truly horrific what meth is doing to our country and I'm sure it can only get worse....I saw someone get denied cold medicine at the grocery store the other day. I can't help but wonder why...

Second, you know how bridges have a height restriction written on them? Saw a truck wedged under a bridge yesterday. Basically it was completely underneath, with the top totally scraping off. Really strange thing to see. My thought: how in hell are they going to get that truck out??

And lastly, my medicine cabinet is a success (well, mostly). There are a few issues, all involving painters tape. There was a little bleeding onto the wall which I'm trying to brainstorm a way to fix. Also, when I pulled the tape on the front of the cabinet some paint peeled off and there was some bleeding onto the mirror. These are easily fixable with some touch up and a razor. Its just the wall I have to deal with...

I hope you all have a nice week...I've been trying to see what kind of jobs I'm qualified for...and really it looks a little barren right now...

Cuz I'm not who I used to be...

For the first time in what feels like weeks I'm really in a great mood today. I haven't done anything exciting, although I have gotten a lot done. The reason I'm in such a good mood is because for some reason I had this jolt of hope this morning.

One of the reasons I got a tattoo in the first place is that I feel very strongly about having hope. I think in some ways my hope is the same as others who have faith. But my hope is more about there being some new and good thing out there, something to look forward to, to reach for (and not about having someone "watching out for me"). And I guess for the past month or two, I was lacking in hope. My job is probably the number one drain right now. I think a lot of people would think being chronically single may be the problem, but all of those people are part of a couple. And coupleds think singles are always unhappy alone. Anyway, the other night I was out with a friend and basically he told me it was silly to stay at my job if I'm unhappy...and while it seems like the most logical thing in the world, it was nice for someone to just say it. I don't know what I'll do...where I'll go from here.

But no matter what I do, I'm just happy and hopeful about everything right now.

In other news, although obtained illegally, the new Death Cab album is amazing. So excited to see them in October. And don't worry, I'll buy the album when it comes out officially. I'm no thief...

I am 200 today...

Happy 200th post! No shit. In just a few days I'll be a year old as well. Crazy. Maybe I should celebrate 1 yr with a new look....we'll see how the bathroom painting goes...maybe if i have extra time this weekend I'll fiddle with my template.

Only one thing of any worth to say: saw a racoon on an "L" platform. Maybe this wouldn't be weird at the Fullerton stop, but the racoon was in the heart of the loop. It was a double take moment.

My only other thought is: Bed. Oh and half day tomorrow.

Another sick day down...

So I used another sick day today. I have 3 left now for four months, so lets hope that I don't get sick. Plus, I know I have to use 1/2 of one of those for a doctor's appointment. I guess I like to horde my sick days just in case I need them for something.

But I guess today counts as really needing them. I slept so lightly and poorly last night that I woke up in a daze. Then I was not enjoying my time in the bathroom too much, and I was just exhausted. I showered, I spent more time in the bathroom and then I decided I just couldn't go to work.

To be honest, I felt better around lunch time so I again feel totally guilty about taking the day off. Although I do feel rejuvenated. Maybe I can make it the next 4 months with only taking my Disney Vacation and that one half day.

Anyway, the rejuvenation had a little to do with my new shoes. How lucky is it that I got the shipment on the day I was home? Plus, I won $25 in a scratchoff. Here's how it works: I buy a scratchoff once every few weeks. A week or two ago I won $2. I only cashed it yesterday. I used the $2 to buy another scratchoff and forgot I had it. Remembered as I was laying on the couch bored, scratched off and boom, $25. Nice, huh?

Ugha-bugga....

Monday is the day for bad moods and bitchery. So without any other explanation:

1. The new Sheryl Crow song truly irks me. Not only do I hate it, but I believe it has the worst, most inane song lyric ever written: "Good is good and bad is bad." And there are some poor lyrics out there. But even "I like big butts and I cannot lie" is more intelligent. I hate that Sheryl Crow song and they play is like 900 times a day on 101.9 (my work music).
2. You know those ads for Dove's new firming thing? No, those girls aren't fat. I HATE when people say they are. Those girls are normal. And today one of the heaviest girls at work was making fun of them. She is much heavier than they are and yet she was being all catty about how fat they are. If I had less control over myself I would have said something really bitchy. Not only was she bitchy about the "normal" girls, she was also a hypocrite.
   
3. Forgetting all of my neutral bras at home (yes Janet, I too managed this) after bumming free laundry really sucked. A lot of my work clothes require the neutral.

On a better note, the weather today was glorious. Where is fall? Screw you summer, go away.

Also, for any of you out there at the correct distance save the date: October 29, pumpkin carving party in Geneva.

Oh my Sunday...

A lot of people spent this beautiful day watching airplanes roll around the sky or boats zoom through the water. I attempted a "household improvement." And really, at this point attempt is the correct verb.

The medicine cabinet in my bathroom was fairly hideous. It was a fake wood that was chipping and rather used looking. It clearly needed help. So I chose to paint the thing black. I seriously lack precision and/or cleanliness so right now, the bathroom is a disaster. But the medicine cabinet is promising. And there is only paint on my hands, the drop cloth and the cabinet. That is a serious victory.

I have a few problems though. Right now, all the painting paraphernalia is blocking my access to the toilet. But really, the biggest problem is that this is clearly a two coat/two day project and I started on a Sunday. So for the next week not only does the cabinet look fairly bad (although even in its streaky ugliness it is better looking than the original) but I have to keep the paint crap everywhere and deal with an empty unusable cabinet. Here's hoping no one comes over and wishes to use the bathroom.

I'm also stuck with the paranoia that some small bit of paint has stuck to my body and is now staining my beautiful couch.

Totally unrelated: I crave fall. Crisp air, red leaves, the whole deal. Summer has really taken advantage of us this year - far too hot.

Avoidance...

The blogosphere is populated by millions of political blogs. I think I read maybe 3 blogs that tend towards political. I guess I just try to avoid writing about it, although its always interesting to read people and their crazy belief they are right. Generally my opinions fall in line with my sister's so why repeat it all? Plus, it is not something I closely follow.

I just finished watching Hotel Rwanda. It was fairly depressing and at the same time, a movie about hope. And I was really quite shamed by it. When that whole tragedy was happening our country and the other "western" countries just ignored it. And I couldn't help but think, if I had been a little older when that happened, would I have been aware? Or like the movie said, would I have just said, oh that's too bad and went back to eating my dinner. I keep making the mental comparison to what we're doing now in Iraq. It makes me mentally splutter (is that a word?). I'm just boggled. Seems like we shouldn't have to justify why we're at war, it should be cut and dry. A million people are victims of genocide, where were we? Our president implies (doesn't prove, implies) there are dangerous weapons and a connection to an American tragedy and the country gets behind a war? It's mentally frustrating.

And while we're on the topic of frustrating, how in hell do you rate a movie on a system of 5 stars that is totally depressing, hopeful, brilliantly done and yet not a multiple watcher?

Oh cheeserific...

I feel really full of cheese today. Without actually eating any. I don't know why but I love cheesy stuff.

1. Brat camp. I love the way they're saving these kids. Ok, so I don't actually believe they're being saved. But I think it's probably helping a tiny bit.
2. Romance novels. I'm not even going to explain this. They are wonderfully unrealistically sappy about love. Maybe I'm a cynic, but love does not exist in the real world the way it does in romance novels. And I eat it up.
   
3. Disney World. How excited am I?

That doesn't really seem like that much does it? Ok, but getting all of it at once made me feel overwhelmed with the corniness of it all. I was watching Brat Camp, reading a romance novel when my Mooj called to tell me about the Disney tickets. A bit much, yeah?

I'm in a good mood. I am finally being given a little bit of trust and responsibility at work which is all I ever wanted. To be treated like an adult. Although, I still don't know if this is my life's passion. To be honest, I don't think I have very much ambition in life. I don't know, my sister likes to categorize me with people who do have ambition. I think she's missing one valid thing here: just because I have a boring business job does not make me ambitious. In fact, doesn't that mean I've fairly settled?

My latest dream job is to be a conservationist at an art museum. Wouldn't that kick ass? You know how much school that would require? Too much.

Oh, and welcome back Katy!

Super glue...

Something the jerk at the Coldplay concert said has stuck with me. Really stuck. He didn't think I was old enough to have graduated college. Ok, people tell me I look young all the time, but all of the sudden this thought struck: if everyone thinks I'm so young, how will I ever meet a boy?

Old ladies are always like: oh dear, you'll appreciate it someday. Even middle-aged people always comment on how much I'll love it. But, if it forces me into spinsterhood, what kind of gift is that??