There was Wednesday's appointment, where I discussed shaving my head with my hair stylist (conclusion: I have the head for it. Do I have the balls?). At that appointment my head was not only felt like a melon (squeezed and fondled) but laser eyed by the stylist next to me.Then today...at my gynecologist...the walls in the exam rooms were thin and I heard a fairly interesting conversation next door (while in my "all together"). My doctor was in there with a patient (I have been to that doctor quite a bit and could recognize her voice through any wall). I only was able to hear snippets, but it all started with my gynecologist saying: I understand that you're upset with me.I heard other random pieces that I can't remember at the moment and it all ended up with my doc telling this girl that she would recommend other doctors. Somewhere in the middle I became fairly convinced that it was a pregnancy revelation gone awry that was likely ending in abortion doctor recommendations. Either that or a cancer revelation that was poorly handled.And I saw the girl in the elevator bank afterwards (I can only guess it was her...she went in before me and looked like she had been crying). And I felt awkward.The walls should really be thicker at the gynecologist.
That will be all in appointment weirdness for months and months...
Dentist: You're entertaining. I hope you get 100 cavities and are here all the time.Me: Please no.Dentist: Yes. 100 cavities. (pulls ponytail. touches shoulder)Me: (giggles. kicks him in the shin)Obviously none of those actions happened (but the conversation is word for word...and there was a shoulder touch). But if I had a ponytail, he would have pulled it. And I felt like giggling and fake punching him or something. Ah, school girl crush...makes the day (and the tooth work) that much brighter.We also chatted about the amazing tongue attachment I have. And how he had his cut (just typed cute...freudian slip) while he was in dental school. And, don't I hate being tongue tied?Whenever I talk about the tongue thing with my mom, this is the conversation we have:Mom: I thought your sister was the one that was tongue tied.Me: Nope. Definitely me.Mom: No, it was your sister. As a kid. Definitely your sister.Me: Mom! Look at my tongue. It was me. How can you even argue it?Mom: No. Your tongue is clearly stunted, but it was her.Me: !But I digress. I do hate being tongue tied. While it has provided me with extra control over my tongue muscles thus giving me a "stupid human trick", it is also maddening.So now I decide whether or not to contact a periodontist and go through this whole painful thing, just so my tongue is more useful. Plus, it costs a lot of money. Maybe my "economic stimulus" money....
Today I was asked to be a hero and save the world. Or be totally irrelevant and, in the act, risk possible neurological issues. These two conclusions come from the same action.At the dermatologist (I go yearly, mostly because melanoma hates my family) I was "approached" by my doctor to participate in one of her colleagues' vaccine trials. They are testing a vaccine for small pox. And while you may be saying to yourself "small pox was eradicated", you, my friend, are wrong. Because, geniuses that we are, there are two specimens of the virus in the world. One in the US and one in GB (and something about Russia? Her story meandered). It's clearly not fool proof storage because at one point the virus "escaped" and killed someone in GB. The government and scientists are trying to "head off" any possible biological warfare in case the virus is stolen. Because it could be leaked and kill boatloads of people. Doesn't that sound like it's sort of possible someone already stole it? It all boils down to terrorism and biological warfare. So, why approach me about the drug trial? Because it's entirely likely that I have eczema. And people with eczema? Not supposed to have the vaccine because bad things can happen. So while you all are being saved from biological weapons, I will likely die because my skin is not good. True story. Wikipedia it.In the end, it sort of comes down to...do I think it's necessary to participate and save the world (and self, since I'll be vaccinated), risking ruined skin and possible brain injury? Or do I think that small pox will not be stolen/used against the US therefore making the brain injury/ruined skin a stupid, unnecessary risk?Self vs. community. I'll get more info down the line, when the trial passes some ethics commission, but I don't think it's out of character for me to say - fuck that, let small pox kill you all.
- Blog topics that would bother my coworkers...
- Anything to do with shark week
- Any details whatsoever about eating cookies
- Anything to do with my sex life, in specific details
- Likely anything to do with my woman parts. Or NSFW waxes.
- How much I love them and why
- Reasons that I hate you...
- This list was going to contain one reason that I hate each person that I love. It would be an anonymous, random list. Basically it would be an ingenious, diabolical mind fuck of a list. And I would never tell anyone which item belonged to them.
- Reasons that I love you...
- The nice version of the previous list. To be created exactly the day after the hate list.
- Words that my coworkers have made up...
- This list exists in my cubicle if you ever wish to see it. It also was my fall back list, in case things should go so awry that I couldn't think of anything...
While watching Sliding Doors I found myself wondering...if there were an alternate reality Katie out there...what would she be doing? So...if i hadn't quit my job 2.5 years ago...- I'd likely still be here, this apartment
- It is likely I'd be dating someone...hopefully someone I actually liked...but for some reason I feel like it'd be someone that I moderately tolerated (possibly one of my coworkers or his friends...he was really, really new when I left)
- I predict I'd be quite a bit heavier than I am at this moment
- The above prediction is due to the fact that I think I'd still be miserably unhappy at my job
- But I'd be unaware of this unhappiness
- I imagine the friendships would be strained
- There is no chance in hell I'd be making the money I'm making now
That all seems so negative. I imagine it's possible I'd be happily coupled. Or that I'd have found a better job in the insurance industry thus increasing my job satisfaction.
- Santong Chicken (delicious)
- Barbecue flavored chips (I don't hate them like I thought I did)
- Eating "cookies" every day (impossible...)
- Upper lip wax (not nearly as painful as some would have led me to believe)
- NSFW wax (even less painful than that upper lip, but with a bit more lasting pain)
- To find a retro bathing suit (curses!)
- Baking banana bread in the toaster oven (failure)
- Thai fusion (found it tasty)
- Rock band (!!!)
- New dentist (closing the list with delicious as well)
I doubt this will be interesting to anyone...but maybe if you're curious as to how I get completely ready in 30-40 minutes, you can follow these steps (average time is exactly 33 minutes):- Alarm
- Toilet
- Shower
- Towel dry
- Towel on head
- Brush teeth
- Contacts
- Bottom underwear
- Full body lotion (best 2-4 minutes I ever added to my routine)
- Bra
- Deodorant
- Towel off head
- Brush hair
- Foundation
- Under-eye concealer
- Curl eyelashes
- Mascara
- Blow dry hair
- Put on clothes
- Powder
- Blush
- Hair goop (pomade/wax)
- Jewelry
GO!
Movies that make me cry...- Stepmom
- Life as a House
- Pretty much any movie about Sept 11 (recent cry fests include World Trade Center and United 93)
- I have a vivid memory of sobbing at Free Willy, in the theater, back in the day (I was 12)
- Ditto Lion King (I was 13)
- Keeping with Disney, the Fox and the Hound (how is that a children's movie?)
- Meet Joe Black
- American History X
- My Dog Skip
- Old Yeller (I'm not sure why, but I think we used to watch this movie a lot)
- Lord of the Rings movies
- Harry Potter flicks 4 & 5(more with Cedric than Sirius...which is not true to book). I predict crying in 6, 7 & 7.5
- Return to Me (something about the dog + David Duchovny...gets me)
This list was harder to craft than I expected. I know I cry a lot at movies...but coming up with specific movies...well, that requires memory. Something which I lack.
And, in honor of the horrific, thick, wet snow today, true story:
Me: mouth open wide, eating the snowPasserby: (laughing) you might as well get some nutritionAs if snow has any nutritious value.
Reasons I like my genes...- My height. I actually genuinely like being short. And short jokes? Not that insulting and totally true. I mean...a short joke is better than most jokes about your looks...
- Intelligence. We're a pretty smart bunch.
- Is it fair to say my chest? Some days I hate it (trying on super cute bathing suits that otherwise look pretty kick ass). Some days they're hard to hate...
- My ass. I really like my ass. I need to put on some work-out pants again and admire it.
- Possible longevity? My family members (on both sides) are still kicking it. One, well into her nineties. We have five generations around right now. My great-grandma, my grandma, my parents, my cousins and then my cousins children.
- Insanity? Although we may be crazy, we're lovably crazy (most of us).
- I guess my metabolism should be commended here. I really should be heavier than I am with the way I eat. Today for instance, I not only ate a donut, but also a piece of cake (and pizza. And a bagel).
- Musical ability. I didn't think I had any (probably because I never tried?). But it turns out I do have rhythm.
It occurs to me that it is hard to separate genes from upbringing. I mean, maybe my genes lend themselves to my being intelligent. Or maybe the way I was raised did that?
- My teeth. Soft. Deep. Prone to cavities.
- My chest. That comes from my Dad's side of the family. All the women are short with a large rack. I even have an Aunt that had a breast reduction. At least I don't have the crazy Italian hair like they do...I'll hold on to that...
- Large, flappy earlobes.
- Small feet. I mean...I understand that large feet would look a little off on a very short person. But at the same time, it would be nice to have adult sized feet. Apparently my only hope is to have a baby, since that is when my Mom's feet got just a bit bigger. But hers were never quite as small as mine.
- High cholesterol.
- Cancer.
- Heart disease.
- Utter insanity. I think this does run in our family.
- Work more
- Shower
- Brush my teeth
- Not watch the last episode of Six Feet Under. I feel shitty and quite tired and I practically sobbed.
- Change couch location every few hours
- Drink more liquids
Also, I thought of a sex on a stick that I missed...Michael Buble. Went to that concert as a present for the Mom and ended up enjoying it quite a bit...
Not sure where that term came from, but I use it mainly to describe performers (of the music variety). And, this list only contains people that I personally thought were sex on a stick live/in person/in the real world:- John Mayer - I dislike his music and I don't much care for him in general. But I happened to be at a concert or two (or three...) and he's delicious on stage...
- Caleb Followill (Kings of Leon) - caveat: has to have short hair. And again, this is a stage thing. Although I find him more attractive than John Mayer.
- Justin Timberlake - no caveats. He is sex. With or without the stick.
- Brandon Boyd (Incubus) - caveat: shirt off. Ok, not really.
- Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam) - Mostly on stage, but if he has short hair, always.
- Tori Amos - I know, doesn't really fit. And I wouldn't say I'm attracted to her. But...on stage...with her piano...yeah....if that's not sex on a stick, I don't know what is...
Honorable mentions:- Brandon Flowers (The Killers) - audio sex. I find him completely unattractive on and off stage.
- Michael Stipe (REM) - I'm not attracted to him per se...but he's enigmatic and intriguing. And he mesmerized.
- Big baby head, aka Tom Chaplin (Keane) - um...there's not much about him that is attractive in a conventional sense. But...his hot tight red pants really made an impact. And his goofy English stage-presence.
Answers:- Big Time
- Deduction
- Ibex
- Gulps
Clues (do not correspond with answers):- Elbows
- Messenger _____ (ending in an A)
- White, black and orange creature
- Mississippi and Nile
so....- Why is it always so hot in this apartment? It occurs to me that the temp in here doesn't really fluctuate. The radiators make it hot in the winter and the lack of a/c makes it hot in the summer.
- I tried on some "retro" bathing suits today and decided it theoretically could work. I just had some slight problems with the top of the bathing suits. One was strapless and tied in the back (ha! no support there), the other had cute straps but a V so low in the front that...uh..yeah. Anyway. I will keep trying for that suit. And as a side note to suit shoppers - Bloomingdales swim department? Far better than Macy's.
- Macy's sucks. Seriously. We went to the Water Tower store. That store is basically vertical and we encountered 2 failed escalators. They were completely blocked off. Not even usable as stairs. Way to push your customers out of the store, Macy's.
- No more snow.
- I forget that I have a lot more time to entertain myself sans school.
- Banana bread + nuts = gross.
