Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Oh really...

E-harmony just sent me an email to try to explain why it is i'm scaring guys away. Before you make any assumptions, I filled out the e-harmony application for the sole purpose of seeing whether or not they would reject me. I somehow made it in and have been avoiding their emails ever since. Here are five things I should worry about - that are likely scaring those guys away:
  1. I'm telling them all I love them. I should "rein in my desire to blurt out that i've totally fallen for him for at least a few months". Because honesty sucks. And I'm clearly a CRAZY person who says it on the first few dates. That surely explains why I'm single.
  2. I'm manly - I crack my knuckles and belch. I should "think about promoting my gentler qualities in a relationship's early stages". No arm-wrestling or jaeger shots either. There goes my whole game.
  3. I'm not supposed to talk about marriage. Worse yet, I'm not supposed to be some kind of CRAZY person who has dog-eared bridal magazines sitting around (WHO DOES THAT???).
  4. Erm, this is the first one that doesn't really apply (since it is true that I belch I love you while thumbing through bridal magazines on most dates) - I'm not supposed to introduce my kids to the man until it's appropriate.
  5. I'm not supposed to talk about my exes. I've got a past, but I'm supposed to keep it there.
How uplifting, e-harmony. Thanks for the advice on how to be a complete crazy person and hide it from my new love.

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