I don't have much to blog about, but I did want to outline my "build up your horrible body image/self-esteem" plan. Two of my friends were bothered by the last bachelorette party blog post. And after chatting, I realize I have some self-esteem issues. So, my short-term plan is to artificially inflate my body image/self-esteem through...artificial means. This plan involves:
- Hopefully hot new hair cut. I don't think it's going to be as short as I'm willing to go, so even if I hate the first cut, there will always be somewhere to go with it...right? Right.
- Wearing a full face of makeup (for me that just means foundation + mascara) a few times a week. At least once a week to work, if not way more. I need, need, need to look in the mirror under those hideous fluorescent lights and not think "Oh, you look skeletal and dead tired today. Pretty awful really".
- Starting to gain muscle. See below for lengthy discourse on how I hate that I want to do this, but feel for my sake, I have to right now.
the saddest part is that I see my friends and think about what amazing, intelligent, truly beautiful women they are, but I can't see that in myself, because all I can see is the many ways that I don't measure up to the standard of beauty set by magazinesAnd I'm not sure how to fix that. So I'm going for the artificial ways. I'm not going to diet. I'm tired of dieting. But I do desire muscle. I would very much like my arms to have tone instead of being entirely like gelatinous blobs of spotty fat (spotty because of that pesky skin condition, keratosis pilarsis, which won't go away...and the only way to make it better is to use gross ointments and lotion. Not worth it).
So I'm joining the gym that is right around the corner from work and that is discounted for me. The only time I ever enjoyed...moving...was when I was using an elliptical. So, I'm hoping I can get back into the swing of hitting the gym...for 30 minutes or so. I also have high hopes for classes. I would very much like to try "Cardio Party" or spinning. Yes. Spinning.
That's the plan kids. And it starts Monday.