Sunday, July 29, 2007

Aura of impenetrability...

And here, my dearests, is the final bachelorette party observation post. This post is particularly relevant as I felt all of this at the actual wedding as well.

At the bachelorette party, it became obvious that certain people were getting hit on constantly. Obviously the loud, drunken, sort of slutty girls were the first target. But then two of the bridesmaids were also getting hit on...and it was hard for me to figure out why these girls. And I guess the continuation of that is...why not me?

There's a lot of hypocrisy in that statement...because I don't want to be hit on by men in bars, I don't. But at the same time, I do. Because who doesn't want to be found attractive?

And I think there is something about me that screams - "Don't even try it" and I think I have to try to ease up on that somehow.

I think that I am afraid of being second best too...and I'm afraid of always being the friend. I think a lot of my feelings about boys revolve around fear and I have got to get away from that somehow. I'm going to try that whole online dating thing again just as soon as I'm done with school ( about a year...yes, I know that's a long time) and maybe I can somehow grow some trust in the meantime...

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