Friday, April 06, 2007

A house is not a home...

Last night I had a dream that I decided I had to move, that I had to choose a different neighborhood (a more affordable neighborhood which in my dream was called Stonewater...which doesn't exist) and find an apartment. The idea was terrifying and sad. Because despite all the problems with this place (I feel like I'm constantly dealing with some issue) I love it. I love this apartment. And I've made it my home. The idea of leaving scares me. And the idea of leaving to go to another "transient" place, another rental makes me feel a little angry. Or something. Because it seems stupid to leave a place I love to go to another apartment which I will have to leave eventually anyway.

Whenever I live anywhere, I try really hard to make it feel like home as soon as I move in. I think there was only one apartment in college that didn't feel like home...and there are a ton of reasons why that was true. But it's always draining, a move. And draining to try to fit yourself into another place, to fit a home into another space....

I guess what I took out of the dream was: Condo or bust!

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