One of the things that has really been hitting home for me in the past year or more is how often something I believe about myself or about my relationships turns out to be not all that true. Sometimes in a good way and sometimes in a bad way. Alright fine, more often in a bad way. It's not that I'm delusional or anything, I just think I'm a sugar-coater sometimes and overly optimistic.
An example from today: I was explaining my relationship with someone to a third party, explaining their life, etc. And I slowly realized that everything I was saying sounded pretty terrible. I don't want to go into specifics here, but it kind of became clear that I have very little in common with this person and that a part of me doesn't respect their choices. A few years ago I probably would have talked myself out of this or come down really hard on myself for not being kind or charitable or empathetic. But today I just thought, wow, our lives really are that different and I really don't know about those choices. And I didn't accuse myself of bitchiness, I just let it sink in that this relationship, like many, might not be what I thought it was of what I want it to be.
Ah realism. Being friends as we get older just gets harder. It's about common threads and there are a billion different threads out there - the probability of finding a match just seems so low. I used to be hard on myself for not having a lot of friends, but at this point, I feel fortunate to have the close friends that I do.