Give me myself again...

I had this brilliant idea to name all my posts from a lyric of whatever random song pops up on my ITUNES when I shuffle. Maybe not brilliant but fun...so I think i'll try it for a bit. And if you can somehow name the song, I'll buy you a drink. Or a cookie.

I feel like I'm stagnating. Mostly at work, but sometimes at home too. I have a lot of fun things planned for the next two weeks or so, but I still feel kind of stuck in my life. I'm trying to come up with a plan for getting around this feeling or wiping it out altogether, if you have any ideas, please share.

I'm going to rant because today another underwriter at work really reinforced my feeling of stagnation. My underwriter has this issue: she is seriously possessive of her "items of business." Which is really making it hard for her to hand them over to me to work on/learn from. And today another underwriter asked why I didn't just take one of his items and quote it (it had been in my possession and I gave it back to him to quote it) - I told him I didn't want to step on his toes. And he kind of just looked at me like, what? And then proceeded to tell me I should take whatever I wanted of his because it isn't as if we are working on an individual basis. In other words, it doesn't matter how much business he does personally, just how much the whole company does. Team work....which my underwriter has never heard of. Honestly, I'm afraid to take anything to do because she'll give me a lecture about my attitude (over-stepping my bounds, not my place etc). It's the worst sort of trap. I look like I'm not motivated to take any work because I feel like if I do I'll get bitched out. It's too frustrating. I feel like screaming.

I was talking about competition with my mom and sister and I don't really have that whole competitive thing as much as some. I guess I don't feel the need to prove myself better than others. Sometimes, yes, I can get embroiled in an argument. And yes, I admit it, sometimes I argue when I don't even agree with what I'm saying. But that doesn't really have to do with winning, but with the argument itself. I don't know, I try very, very hard to justify my underwriter's actions, oh she's competitive, oh she wants to prove herself so she'll be a vice president some day (fyi: not going to happen). But it all comes down to the fact that she shouldn't make her trainee feel the way I do. Period.