Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Give me myself again...

I had this brilliant idea to name all my posts from a lyric of whatever random song pops up on my ITUNES when I shuffle. Maybe not brilliant but fun...so I think i'll try it for a bit. And if you can somehow name the song, I'll buy you a drink. Or a cookie.

I feel like I'm stagnating. Mostly at work, but sometimes at home too. I have a lot of fun things planned for the next two weeks or so, but I still feel kind of stuck in my life. I'm trying to come up with a plan for getting around this feeling or wiping it out altogether, if you have any ideas, please share.

I'm going to rant because today another underwriter at work really reinforced my feeling of stagnation. My underwriter has this issue: she is seriously possessive of her "items of business." Which is really making it hard for her to hand them over to me to work on/learn from. And today another underwriter asked why I didn't just take one of his items and quote it (it had been in my possession and I gave it back to him to quote it) - I told him I didn't want to step on his toes. And he kind of just looked at me like, what? And then proceeded to tell me I should take whatever I wanted of his because it isn't as if we are working on an individual basis. In other words, it doesn't matter how much business he does personally, just how much the whole company does. Team work....which my underwriter has never heard of. Honestly, I'm afraid to take anything to do because she'll give me a lecture about my attitude (over-stepping my bounds, not my place etc). It's the worst sort of trap. I look like I'm not motivated to take any work because I feel like if I do I'll get bitched out. It's too frustrating. I feel like screaming.

I was talking about competition with my mom and sister and I don't really have that whole competitive thing as much as some. I guess I don't feel the need to prove myself better than others. Sometimes, yes, I can get embroiled in an argument. And yes, I admit it, sometimes I argue when I don't even agree with what I'm saying. But that doesn't really have to do with winning, but with the argument itself. I don't know, I try very, very hard to justify my underwriter's actions, oh she's competitive, oh she wants to prove herself so she'll be a vice president some day (fyi: not going to happen). But it all comes down to the fact that she shouldn't make her trainee feel the way I do. Period.

5 comments:

  1. Tori Amos...right? I can't remember the song. a small drink? half a cookie?

    I can never post comments right...They never post...so if I post twice, thats why.
    hasta

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  2. Hi,

    I just stumbled onto your blog off of chicago blog map, and got the biggest grin when I saw you had a lyric from "Little Earthquakes" on the first post. While I don't follow your form of naming posts after lyrics, I do have my blog subtitled with a line from "hey Jupiter" by Tori Amos. I couldn't let the coincidence go by unremarked upon.

    Good luck with your coworker. I swear, few things can be more miserable than crappy people at the office.

    Jada

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  3. check out the July 13th issue of www.headbutler.com

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  4. Does anyone read these comments after they've commented? I just wanted to say, Scott and Jaded, you'll have to split the cookie. I'm pretty impressed readers...that's an obscure song quote.

    Have a nice thursday...

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  5. I read comments after they have been posted. Work is boring and they comments on your blog sometimes prove to be interesting. When you posted a comment on your blog did you recieve an e-mail saying that a new comment had been made? Just wondering.

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