just let go...

I've been thinking a lot lately about growing up. Its always so scary to move on from high school to college, because you're a "grown up." Or even turning 21 (which i managed to do with particular style spending hours and hours at Heathrow airport trying to get to Rome on a plan that kept getting delayed). Lately though, I really am growing up.

Everyday on the "L" there are dozens of people that could be roughly my age (lets have a wide range here, between 22 and 30). All of these women look so turned out. In their nice coats, boots, pretty work bags, slick hairdos. They all look old and they all look the same. And then there's me. I have reverted back to a back-pack, i wear sneakers to work and then change, i still have a fuzzy ball on my hat and my coat is mostly a warmth provider and not a fashion statement.

I used to think that this fashionable young working Chicago woman was what I wanted to be. But i don't think i'm capable of such a huge change. I guess I just cannot imagine having aching feet, a freezing head and a backache every night just so that I look good on the ride to and from work. Sure, when i get to work, it's all business. I put on the nice shoes, take off the coat and hat and stow the backpack. Maybe if i had the other mentality, the one where its more important what you look like than how you feel, maybe then what?...maybe then someone would pick me up on the "L"?

I have always been an odd one. I guess certain things I take very seriously, like my work ethic and certain things i don't, like the new trendy coat style. I cannot imagine going on a four hour lunch with a colleague and coming back a little drunk (it happened) or being so unable to do my work that i lie and blame it on someone else (also happens). I take pride in my work. I don't particularly enjoy drinking either, which does sometimes categorize me in the "old lady" section. But at the same time, I love stupid things, like Chicago lit up for Christmas, Harry Potter (oh the third movie was a thrill tonight),my future cats and probably the musical i'll see tomorrow night that is all Disney songs (got some ridicule at work for that, but i stood my ground, i'll like it).

Its just interesting to think that if i wanted to, if i truly tried i could be dressed to the nines on the "L", but screw "What not to Wear," its all lies. That stuff isn't comfortable.