I'm having a rough time being positive today. I fall into this horrible trap of self-pity and then suddenly I've convinced myself that my life is a bleak tundra of nothingness. I woke up cranky, I got to work and had a long email chain of frustration with someone who just was not listening to me and I just couldn't stop the spiral. I started off the morning with the knowledge that my apartment was a curse and my paper cut was making life difficult and ended it with the thought that I had nobody.
It's all silly and I know it's silly, but damned if I don't get bogged down in it. It's sort of like hypochondria of life - I'm grumpy and unhappy today, so it clearly follows that my life must be shit. Stupid.
I decided today that my mood is all about spin. How can you spin that thing that just happened? Was it funny? An insult to you? Just something that happened? Proof that people suck? Or just a part of humanity that you should be patient with? And today I clearly lacked the ability to spin anyway but backwards. My email chain was not only a personal insult but also proof that people are stupid. Most days it would have just been another bump in my day and silly how easily we all misunderstand each other...
So that's where I am today. Spinning backwards. Tomorrow I have fingers crossed for either stand still or spinning forwards....
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