A friend, Al, asked me how I am qualifying those friendships as unsuccessful. Do friendships that are successful have to last forever? And aren't I always the proponent of letting friendships go? (it is my firm belief that if you question the utility of a friendship, it's probably time to let it go)
This is an excellent question that I have no answer for. Those friendships were proof (to me) that men and women can't JUST be friends. Sure, they can be friends. But I think there's always some sort of frisson of sexual tension/romantic feelings on one end or the other (or both).
A friendship certainly doesn't have to last forever. But I think the end of a friendship sort of shows whether or not that friendship did have staying power (a big blow up fight? A gradual fade out? A proclamation that just being friends isn't enough?).
And in the end, most importantly, they weren't successful in that we didn't fight for them. Maybe because someone couldn't deal anymore. Or because the gleam of lust/love had faded. But either way, one or the both of us let it die - either fade or drop off the face of the earth.
I feel like I need to put it out there that I think those friendships were successful to a point (and some far more than others). They just, weren't successfully platonic. And they weren't successfully continued....
Really, reallly interesting question. I honestly don't know what to say about it right now, but I might blog about it tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteHmmm. Good food for thought.
I think that being in a healthy relationship with a significant other helps men and women be friends. I have two close male friends who have never expressed an interest in me, and I certainly have never have had an interest in them. So on that level I disagree with you, but at the same time I do have to agree with you. Not to toot my own horn, but I have had a few guys who I thought were just my friends tell me that if I were not dating/engaged to/married to Hubby that they "totally would have tried to hook up with me". It always came as a shock as that I thought that our relationship was purely platonic. I guess that just exemplifies my naivety when it comes to male/female relationships which my disqualify my initial statement of having two close male friends... I am seeing both of them this weekend perhaps I'll ask them about this.
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