Sick post...

So I know I'm really sick (and tired) because I have hot, won't stay open eyes.

Plus my nose is raw from all the blowing. I hate that. Someone should invent a little pad you can stick on your "blown raw" nose while you sleep. It will lotion you up and it won't sting...

Must sleep.

Du du du da, du du du da....

You know that song, by Shaday or something. Is it by her? Did I make that up? It's possible.

First, there is nothing good or nice about a wake. Death is truly mind-boggling. For some, probably a little scary. I'm not all that afraid of dying, but I am afraid of those I love dying. Let's not even think of that...

Tonight I remembered that I am:

a) bad at consoling people. What do you say? Sorry for your loss? He had brain tumors his whole life and recently he was in a bad way. Are they sorry? Or do they know he has peace now?

b)truly terrible with directions. I live in Chicago, a city with a jillion expressways all named after people. And I think I know what number corresponds with one of those names and that's because I always take it to the hometown. On my way home tonight a lack of a number, 355, totally threw me off my game. I was presented with two options (neither 355 which I wanted). I assumed...well my choices are "to Rockford" "to Chicago"... I want to go to Chicago. After all, I live in Chicago. My choice was wrong. I was on a road I did not know. If not for my Mom I would have ended up downtown, pissed and cussing (who says cussing??), heading towards the two or three roads I know there (namely Lake Shore Drive) and ended up home sometime. Bad at the driving directions. Let me just say that I think it is because I do not care about maps, I don't care about the roads, I don't care if I remember where that one Portillo's on Lake Street is. And because I don't care, it takes me a very long time to learn any new directions. Oh well. I'm home.

c)that I CAN get impatient with traffic. One of my best (and most annoying for others) qualities is my patience with traffic, waiters, life in general. But tonight I was cranky, I needed to be somewhere and get home. Lack of sleep and no time to relax...adds up to cranky, impatient Katie. I guess this is how other people live their lives, always cranky...always impatient. Sad really.

And with that I leave you....because I am tired from my hours of driving.

Tuesday evening thoughts...

So, if you don't read my sister's blog, you may not know that one of our childhood friends has passed away. I didn't know him very well, in part because of his brain tumors, but he was a clear part of my childhood. I too remember visiting him in the hospital, remember the ups and downs. I also knew his brother fairly well, and therefore had some contact with him even after we moved from Bartlett.

I have a vague memory of my childhood as a whole. Which is why it is really odd that I remember one JD moment so clearly: JD once told me that when we grew up we would get married. I'm pretty sure I expressed doubt at this fact. He then told me that we would get married and he would buy a farm and that way I could have as many dogs as I wanted. I'm pretty sure that his sweet talking worked and I agreed this was a good plan. Moral of the story: the way to my heart....love of animals..

This whole overtime thing is killing me....I'm sorry about lack of blogs. I just am sort of vacant a lot of the time. It's tiring going to work early everyday. And the worst part is that the overtime work is all mindless scanning.

P.S. A gargle is NOT a normal noise for a stomach to make. I hate you tomatoes.
P.P.S. What if I went back to school to become a computer nerd? I think I'd be good at it. But am I an undergrad? Because I certainly can't be a grad student in computers...I know nothing. Sister, a little research maybe?

Which brings me to....

Do you ever have a moment where everything just feels more real than usual? Where you look around and think, huh...this is my life. Not in a bad way. But in a, shiiiitttt I'm a grown up way.

My other big thought of the day is: I wonder if cat food tastes good. I can't imagine that it does. Cats must have a different taste palette than people...

Don't worry, I didn't try any....

This is the sound of settling...

Ok, so I swear I have named a post that before. So be it. Two things:

Today was possibly the most stressful day at work I have ever had. I had meetings upon meetings and work coming out of my ass. After my first meeting I came out for my lunch and started to shake. It's like my body freaked out. Because I basically had an hour and a half to eat and do all the work in the entire office. I went to get myself food and tried to calm down. Then I spent more time in meetings. By the time I was meeting'd out, I had an hour left of my day to work. I just found it interesting that my body started to shake from the stress of it all.

And of course...Marshall Fields. If you:

• a. live in Chicago and
• b. have a blog

you are going to have to comment on the loss of the name. Just saw a headline (why read all the articles? It's the same shit over and over) that was a cry to call it Fields anyway. So instead of saying, hey I'm going to go spend money at Macys, you'll say, hey bitches I'm going to Fields. Take that suckers.

Who CARES!!!! It's a bit sad that Fields will be no more, but honestly, in the scheme of things - it's still just another department store. For more bloggermation on this, go here and here.

Bloggermation? Bad use of the made up blog words?

A bit of Sunday disgust...

I'm currently watching a Tivo'd episode of Oprah. I tivo both Oprah and Ellen just in case anything good is on. This episode I'm watching is about the "editor at large" of Vogue. He is a bit overweight, recently lost 35 pounds and is discussing his struggle.

I am disgusted by the way they are talking about "fat" people. How the editor of Vogue (Anna Wintour) hates fat people and everyone that works there is tiny and so skinny because of how much she hates fat people. OK...I feel like never buying this magazine again. This is why we are bombarded with emaciated girls...the editor of one of our biggest fashion magazine hates fat people.

How can you hate a large group of people (most of whom are not fat by choice) because of a physical characteristic? It's like Nazi Germany all over again.

I hereby declare I will never buy Vogue again.

Archive Meme...

Been meaning to do this for days...just forgot until right now.

1. Go into your LJ’s (or blog's) archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

There is something about God and religion that i just don't belong with.

Makes sense in the context of the post...but right here it sounds like really poor english. Ah well....but I do find it interesting that it is religious...

....

Longest day ever. Random conglomeration of thoughts:

In my book today, this girl was having a stressful day at work so she went into the bathroom with a hairbrush, locked herself in a stall and masturbated. Ok, my first thought was: really? you want to get off in a metal stall on a nasty toilet? With your brush? Then I thought...well am I the weird one that hasn't ever considered masturbating in a bathroom when I'm having a bad day? I think the answer is no. I am not nearly as repressed as some when it comes to this topic, but I guess I do have a line I draw. Readers, lets hear some feedback. I wonder if boys masturbate in public more than girls...I bet....

One of my upstairs neighbors just came to the window to admire my cats. Boku ran away and is hiding under my bed and Mona just sat there and stared at the scary stranger.

Today was one of those days where lots of things went right, one thing went just a bit wrong, and the day just draggggged on. I feel like it defeated me...

And on another work note, I was totally creepy today. The cute computer boy (attached, unavailable) smelled delicious today. He was all over the place leaving behind a smell. I'd walk by and savor the smell. Oh boy smell. Nothing better. I was watching Dawson's Creek last night and it was a cheesy episode (you aren't surprised are you?) and one of the things they discussed is how smell is the biggest trigger for memories. And yesterday weirdly, a boy next to me on the L smelled like one of my old friends Jonny. I have a crazy sense of smell anyway. Ramble on...huh?

Mellow....

The weather today was totally refreshing. I actually had a shit day at work (nothing was where/as it should have been) and was totally frustrated. It was one of those days where you eventually have to sit back, take a deep breath and say, so what if this doesn't get finished. Work not getting done, not the end of the world. Even though for half of the day it felt like the world would end. So it was nice to leave the office and breath fresh cold air.

Haven't spoken of the cats recently. Sort of interesting that I came home to cat puke on Monday. Forgot to mention it in my Frankenmuth post. It was a load of puke (looked a lot like cat food) and then a hair ball. Good for Boku for getting it up. Bad for me because she chose the day I was out of paper towels. I had it on my grocery list for Tuesday...and she throws up Monday. A bit infuriating. All in all though, they're good. Still both afraid of people, but they like me, so who cares.

On another note, yesterday I rode the elevator with two old men. Who proceeded to "flirt" with me. I was told I had a lovely laugh. Together they were 167 years old.

And lastly, my allergist went crazy today. Unfortunately I had to watch him and his partner (both MD's) sing and dance to Last Dance. It's true. But I found myself thinking....now this is a happy office. Too bad I work in the exact opposite...where I'm told my music is too loud when I can barely hear it. If I were to dance and sing I think I'd get a lecture about attitude...or about seeing a psychiatrist....

And so it is...

I don't know exactly what to say about the weirdness that is Frankenmuth (went with Mooj and Sis). I have a hard time imagining the very beginning of the town, when one family said, OK, let's go Bavarian. Let's make everyone else build in the Bavarian style as well. And then, we'll be a tourist attraction!

Anyway, the trip was fun, lots of shopping was done. I sort of wish to decorate for Christmas at this very moment (Frankenmuth's big draw is the largest CHRISTmas store in the country. Please note the capitalization in the holiday...think Jesus Loves Me, Happy Birthday Jesus, etc.). My most exciting find (one of many) is an alternative to tinsel. I have cats this year so my favorite, my ultimate tree finishing favorite is no longer an option - a tinsel replacement was sort of essential to making my tree feel whole. Makes me want to trim the tree RIGHT NOW.

I think after spending a lot of time with my family/loved ones I feel a little lonely when I come back to my apartment. I think it might have a lot to do with how natural it is to spend time with my mom and sister. You know, its comfortable (even with the bickering).

But by tomorrow (when I'm crabby from having to go work) I'll be glad to come home and be alone. But it's always a funky first night after family vacation. Just a tidge sad and lonely.

Both a beginning and an end...

I'm not that great about getting my feelings about politics/world events into words. I know how I feel and I don't generally blog about it. But this whole Katrina thing has me thinking lately. And frankly, I'm surprised that people are surprised about this country's ability to handle a "catastrophe."

First, I think it was very telling that we didn't actually mobilize anyone at the beginning. We told people to evacuate and left it at that. Kind of bossy without helping people accomplish the evacuation (sending buses really would have helped). Very American.

Next, we sort of ignore the problem (or the government does) and the rest of us throw money at it. Again, how American. A lot of people out there are saying the Tsunami was handled better. But honestly, we handled the tsunami the exact same way: throw money at it, have public figures show up for photo ops, throw more money, forget about it.

Only this time, it became clear that the government was going to have to do more. And it doesn't surprise me that they all bumbled around for days. I can't believe it surprises anyone. And yes, I do think that if this would have happened in Chicago, New York, LA, DC bumbling would not have been an option. Really, really sad. You suck government.

That's my Katrina spiel. I'm done with the world event thing for a while now.

Note: I am slowly but surely going to change this website. I just have to learn to code first. So I'm playing with the stuff I can change. Check out my newly alphabetized blog list. Exciting, eh?

Can you keep up?

A collection of thoughts that might not make sense to you, but I assure you, they make sense:

1. You're my favorite Brandon. Only it's a little insulting that you only date models.
   
2. Katy, it's not an Ax...like you chop wood with. It's a saw, like you saw off the bottom of your Christmas tree with. Slightly different.
3. Still checked my closet tonight.
4. Jon Stewart is a delight.
   
5. George Bush....not so delightful. That's all I'll say.
6. California...what were you thinking electing Arnold? Your democratic government actually got the bill through. And now...its in a conservative, republican, actor's hands to veto it? Bad move CA, bad move.

The boogeyman...

Um....I just wrote some stuff and then blogger blinked and bam...gone.

I have this paranoia about burglars/murderers hiding in my apartment waiting for me to go to sleep so they can rape/maim/kill/burgle me (not in any particular order). This weird fear has a side effect: essentially there is only one closed closet...EVER...in my apartment. And I have five. So before bed every night I open that closet, look into its depths (its deep and long and filled with forgotten shoes and winter gear) for the murderer. It occurred to me tonight that if there was a burglar/murderer there, what exactly was I going to do? Slam the door in their face and then...?

Clearly my logic is off. I should not check the closet just in case it's only a burglar. Because the burglar really just wants to take my stuff and not hurt me. But if I see him...he might be tempted to murder. And the murderer? Well, he'll get me either way...so wouldn't it be better if I was comfy in my bed with a weapon handy in my bedside table? [side note: no I am not speaking of dildos...I am speaking of the saw I keep on the lower level of my bedside table. Yes. A saw. Believe it]

A digression: way back when I was promised a bat for a present...one of my friends knows me so well she was going to find some old wooden bat and decorate it for me so I could prop it up next to the bed. You know, in the event that the murderer came. Maybe if I had the bat, I could put the saw in the tool drawer. Just saying is all....

Hello Wednesday...

I can honestly say that I had a better day at work than I've had in a while. It was really fast-paced which meant it all kind of went in a blur. Delightful.

I did get involved in an unfortunate conversation about Louisiana at lunch. I have said before that I am not a religious person and do not believe. I have no problem with those that do (unless pushing that religion on me or insulting my opinions) but I do have a question. How can you truly believe that these people brought it on themselves? A lady at my work, in the same breath said "its so sad, so many different people down there were affected, good, bad, rich, poor" and then she proceeded to say there had to be a "reason" and the people didn't get out because they were stupid and didn't want to. UGH. First, if every kind of person was hurt by this, how can they have deserved it? Nuns were probably affected...did they deserve it? Second, how ignorant are you to think that all of these people had the choice to get out and just didn't take it? That has been shown to be false, where are you getting your facts?

On to other things...I have the cutest best new converse in the world. Sadly, they gave me some hideous blisters today. But I'm hoping a good "working in" should fix that.

Yesterday I bought band-aids at Walgreens. Got back to work and there were 5 band-aids in the box. Someone stole band-aids. And then, I managed to buy that single box that someone stole from. Bad luck.

Ugh-a-dug...

Yes that phrase does exist....in my head. I'm all jumbled up right now. Nothing in my life is going as planned and it's making me feel a little stressed, a bit unhappy, a lot like eating and just devoid of "life." Or spark. Or pizzazz. I'm blah.

Do you ever feel a bit invisible? Not totally, but just slightly - like you're hazy?

In the meantime...

I'm full of uncomfortable, serious thoughts. But I'd rather put those off for a day and do the Meme my sister wants me to.

A - Accent: Midwestern with broad Chicago hints (like when I say god)

B - Breast size: Last time I went to Victoria's Secret they told me I could wear a D. But when I put it on, I am clearly still mostly DD.

C - Chore you hate: Vacuuming is my least favorite. I just got a new hand vac to make the stairs easier so that vacuuming does not take as long. But with cats...have to do it, often.

D - Dad's name: James/Jim

E - Essential make-up: NONE

F - Favourite perfume/cologne: Gap Blue (for women)

G - Gold or Silver: Silver

H - Hometown: Bartlett or Geneva

I - Insomnia: used to. I'm a bit better now although still have a rough time falling asleep. Not ingesting caffeine really changed my life.

J - Job title: Currently: unhappy underwriting assistant.

K - Kids: No thank you; I don't care for them.

L - Living arrangements: My 1 bedroom, two floor Lincoln Park wonder.

M - Mom's birthplace: Oooooh, somewhere in IL? I can honestly say that I don't know.

N - Favourite Noldo: yes sister, it is sci-fi. I looked it up and I still have no idea what it is, but I'll go with Elrond.

O - Overnight hospital stay: haven't had one that I remember (ie birth only)

P - Phobia: My worst is possibly falling/heights. Although I have myriad others.

Q - Favorite Quote: Oh my. Impossible question.

R - Religious affiliation: I guess my religion is atheism. Although recently a whole group of atheists were very angry about being classified as a religion. I say, eh, what does it matter anyway? If your religion is not believing in God - kind of contradicts the definition of religion...but I still feel like, eh, stupid thing to worry about.

S - Siblings: Yes, Ang (who is a couple years older) and my little bro, Litty (who is six years younger.)

T - Time I get up: Was 6:01 weekdays, usually around 7 weekends. Now I get to get up at about 6:45, and will probably end up at 8 on weekends.

U - Unnatural hair colors: Nope, never done this. Am thinking about going brunette.

V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: Cauliflower makes me feel ill. I think I can force down most others...

W - Worst habit: Picking the skin off of my cuticles or right now, chewing my lips.

X - X-rays you've had: Only dental.

Y - Yummy foods you make: I make a mean (and very normal) taco.

Z - Zodiac sign: Scorpio.

Ang...lots of the same answers as you, not so exciting.

Roar...

Three things have led me to a mood of disgust and outrage:

1. I just want to say to my color book participants: I'm a little bit doubtful this is going to be happen. Today was your deadline. I had one person back out two days ago (and I'm not going to lie, I am pissed and hurt) and I've had a total of 3 people give me the required information. I know that this is a fun project and deadlines are "a pain in the ass." But I know you guys, and without deadlines this thing would never happen. And I guess because I'm your friend you think the deadlines are bogus? I don't know, I just feel a little like nobody is listening to me. Like you're like, yeah Katie, stop being so bossy, blah blah blah. And my mood right now is forcing me to say: if one of you even tries to come back at me with a "lighten up Katie, this is supposed to be fun" I'm going to scream. Probably at you. It's inconsiderate to the people that actually followed the deadline to just ignore it completely. I'm not sure how you can argue that it's not rude. Maybe I'm a little premature and you'll all come in with addresses and page size and theme before midnight. But I am highly, highly doubtful.
   
2. On the Trib website today there was a headline: "Britney Spears Prays for Hurricane Victims." All I could think is holy fuck, what has the world come to? Why do we care how Britney is reacting? Tell Britney to go have her ghetto baby and leave us alone. The hurricane was a tragedy, we should all do our part, give a little money, worry a little, and if you're religious, yes pray. But at a time like this, when New Orleans is lawless and a death pit, the celebrity thing is a little callous.
   
3. And finally, comments lately have gotten a little out of control in my little blog world. Not only did someone I know harass my sister for no apparent reason in a really vindictive way (and with little actual firepower) but now I've got spam comments. Spam comments? What the hell???

As you can see, I am not to be fucked with today.