At one point I was pretty starkly honest on this blog, so let me just say that I am a bit of a mess right now. It's kind of weird but for a while there I really felt like I was handling the job change - I wasn't openly anxious about going to work. I was tired but adjusting.

All a hoax. I'm full of anxiousness and covered in the pimples to show it. I'm trying to bring myself  back to earth. I will not fail at this job, I will not fail at this job. Repeat. But I guess my self-esteem about my capability to handle a stressful, huge project is very, very low. And the only thing to fix it is to just do it. Succeed on a project or two for some huge ass company and feel like I'm not a sham. That's the plan. I'm officially on a project (hasn't started yet but SOON). Plan commencing shortly.

In the meantime, let's hope my face, family/friends and loml can survive my weird demeanor and insanity. I'll be back. Just as soon as I feel like I'm not scamming a company out of a huge salary.

loml and I talk a lot about planning for retirement. And the next year we have pretty solidly planned.

This means that 25 years out I have a pretty solid picture of what our life will be. One year out I'm pretty sure as well. But ten years...ten years is an uncertain fuzzy blur. Ten years from now is my new scary age.

Remember how I have a gross and probably not all that entertaining habit of talking about my huge pimples? That's happening again. I have a doozy of a mutant of a pimple. I like to think it's seasons (allergies leading to pimples??) but really I'm the bad patient who uses something and then it works super well so I slowly taper off use. With no doctor's orders. In other words, I will likely die from not completing a course of antibiotics at some point. So yeah, the dermatologist ordered me to keep using my acne meds (I'm 31 and my face is worse now than it was at 16).

As a side note to that, I might have a staph infection in my nose.

If I were you I wouldn't look at or touch my face.

I am getting perhaps two less hours in the house every day and, on average, one less hour of sleep every night. And I feel wrecked every day at 8pm. That will get better right?

I had my first "interview" for a placement on a job today. It was...not great. For a variety of reasons. Most of them being that at most times I had no idea what the person was actually asking. Clear and concise questions rule the world. If you ever interview people, drawn out scenarios of "what if" are just...not conducive to truly figuring out what the person knows. I'll know if I'm being staffed on the job tomorrow. I hope I am, mostly so I can get the anxiety of not knowing about consulting out of my system.

Hopefully this blog will be less job ridden in the following months. I'm going to bed.

A lot of people are inquiring about how the new job is. Yesterday I had one of the best days at work I've had in a while. Time passed, I studied, it was great. But this pattern, my studying for certifications, isn't really how life will be. They aim for 85% chargeable - meaning that 85% of my year I'll be on projects. Some people end up close to 100%. I have no idea what I will be - but I do know that not being on a project isn't typical and it isn't something I should take for granted. Nor is it easy for me to gauge/judge how the job will eventually be. So to those asking - it's great right now, but ask me again after a project or two.

As a related but tangential thought - it is often said that kids and pets need limitations. They need rules to guide them. And I think that might be true of my working happy place - I need guidelines for good/best behavior and I need to have clear expectations. I am expected to have a certain number of certifications within the first two years of employment at my new job. Knowing this, I, an over-achiever, am going to go into overdrive getting those and then hopefully leaving them in the dust. I guess I need restrictions and expectations to feel satisfied.

Also, honeymoon period?

umba!

A spectacular umba month, such a good one!

Brownie of deliciousness:

The brownie pictured is not the one loml and I shared. The one we shared was a dark chocolate gluten free delight. It tasted like a brownie made of fudge. Not fudge but not a brownie either. Do recommend. From Sinfully Delicious...in Homer Glen, IL!

Foldover clutch:

I am going to try out this baby tonight. Simple but with bold colors...I am very much a fan. From This ♥ That.

Way to go this month umba!